It may seem impossible to take a break from your relationship while you are still living together, but it is quite possible. However, both persons have to be willing to compromise and accept the situation for what it is while working with the rules involved.
Taking a break in a relationship happens quite often. This simply means a couple decides to take time apart to evaluate their relationship and come back afterward to talk about whether or not they want to stay together or break up for good. While many people instinctively feel couples are broken up when they hear the term ‘taking a break’, there are in fact those who have actually got back together and have had a better relationship as a result. However, it could go either way after taking a break. So taking a break can save a relationship but it can also be the death of it.
Taking A Break While Living Together is Possible
Why Couples Take A Break
Couples who are living together are also among those who have seen it necessary to take a break from each other — while still living together. There are a number of reasons they may see this necessary. Some of these reasons are:
1. There are constant arguments — Sometimes couples find themselves always at odds with each other, so much so that they live in constant arguments. Well, they may not be willing to call it quits right away, but will decide to take a break to figure out if the relationship is still right for them.
2. The relationship has become toxic. Sometimes the relationship has become so toxic that it seems to drain one or both persons mentally and emotionally. At this point, there is no joy and no connection between the two, but instead, the union is both physically and emotionally tiring.
3. You are no longer sure you want to be in the relationship. Sometimes, based on things that may be coming to the forefront regarding the other person’s character, one may feel this is not what they signed up for and feels it now necessary to evaluate if the relationship is something they can actually live with or something they are not willing to compromise on. Thus, time is needed to give this some thought.
Couples May Take A Break Because the Relationship Became Toxic 
4. You can no longer trust your partner. If trust has been depleted in a relationship, for example of one person cheated, the other partner may call for a break to look at if the relationship is worth saving or if they want to work past the infidelity. They may use the time to evaluate what their partner has done and if they are willing to forgive and move on. It may also be a time to recover from the impact of the outside affair. This also gives the cheater time to look into what they really want to do.
5.The relationship is no longer fulfilling. Some couples will find that their relationship is no longer fulfilling and decide to take a break to venture out and date other people, then come back together to address if they want to call it a day. This, however, is a dangerous route to take as dating others while on a break brings with it its own disadvantages as persons begin to compare their partner to the person(s) they are dating. Since the relationship is no longer fulfilling, which was the cause of the break in the first place, then the partner is usually at the losing end.
6. You no longer have an interest in the other person. Sometimes a break is taken when one or both people have lost interest in the other. Thus, they are no longer inclined to do things together or work out issues that may arise as a couple. In fact, communication and intimacy are near nonexistent but they will still decide to go on a break just to make sure before they call it quits.
Couples Take A Break Because The Relationship Is No Longer Fulfilling
How To Take A Break While Living Together
As mentioned earlier, taking a break while living together may not be easy, but it is possible. However, Family Life counselor Trevor Reynolds said both persons have to be willing to work at this.
“You cannot have one person thinking they are on a break and the other person thinking that it is business as usual as this is sure to cause the exact thing they are trying to avoid. Arguments,” Reynolds said. “Both have to accept the break and abide by the rules that should be verbally communicated by both during the discussion. So each should have an input in what they believe would work and what wouldn’t. That’s the only way taking a break while still living in the same house would work,” he said.
He said if possible, couples should avoid sleeping in the same bed in order to put some sort of distance between them.
There Are Rules To Taking A Break While Living Together
Here are some ways you can effectively take a break while living together:
Accept that you are on a break
Like any other relationship, the first thing a couple living together has to do is sit down and have a civil conversation as to why they feel it necessary to take some time apart, to begin with. This cannot be done during a heated argument where it is thrown at the other person out of nowhere. Instead, you both would have seen the signs overtime that things were not working out as you would have liked, therefore, sitting down and having a quiet discussion as to what you both can do to change the situation is important. This is when you can suggest taking a break to think about what you can both do to improve the relationship so one person does not feel attacked and hopeless.
Set a time when you want to come back to discuss the relationship
If you are living together it will not be fair to either of you to enter into a break without knowing how long it will be before you restart or stop the relationship for good. Remember, you will be seeing each other every day so you will either grow more distant, or you will be in torture wanting to get back together but can’t. In the breakup discussion, confirm a reasonable period of time to meet again for a decision. This could be anywhere from 3 – 6 months or whatever timeframe works for both of you depending on the reason for the break.
Accept That You Are On A break
Do not get intimate
No matter how tempting the situation gets, avoid getting intimate. Even if you find yourselves getting along better than you did before you called a break avoid getting intimate during the period of your break as this will only complicate things. This can make you or the other party feel that there is indeed hope of staying together even if that is not what the other person wants. So getting intimate will only send mixed signals.
Give each other space
This may be difficult at first but give each other space. Thus, they should no longer be accountable to you regarding their whereabouts and who they are with, etc. You have to treat your break period as if you are no longer living together. This space is what will make both you and your partner work on self and how you can make the relationship better for both of you. You cannot do that with someone constantly breathing down your back and acting as if you are not on a time-out. Respect the other person’s freedom and what they want to do with their time apart. If they chose to communicate with members of the opposite sex on the phone, do not get up in their face about it. That’s a part of taking a break.
Do Not Get Intimate If You Are On A Break While Living Together
Try to live as independently of the other person as possible
Taking a break is like not being together for the duration decided. Therefore, live as independently as possible. Rely as little as possible or none at all on the other person. Things you are accustomed to doing as a couple has to be at a standstill. Do not go out on dates, dinners, etc. Only do things together if you absolutely cannot avoid it. The less time you spend together the better the chances of you both coming to terms with how you really feel about each other and better able to make a rational independent decision at the end of the break. Therefore, do not do the usual daily chores for them as you would if you were not on a break.
Do not argue when they do something you do not agree with
Avoid the urge to live the way you did before the break. If they do something that you do not agree with ignore it as best as possible. If it is disastrous, you can bring it to their attention but as calmly as possible. If you continue to argue then agreeing to a break will not give either of you the opportunity to reflect on the good times you had in the past and at the end of the break, the relationship will end without getting a fair chance of mending.
Be Independent of Each Other While On A Break And Living Together
Be civil to each other
Since you are living together you need to be civil and respectful to each other. This will bring stability to your living condition once again and will give you a clear head of what living together should really be like. This could even be one of the deciding factors on whether or not you get back together at the end of the break as it will give you a clear view of how things should be between you.
Do not date someone else or flirt openly
It is very important that while you are still living together and taking a break that you do not date someone else or flirt openly. Do not expect that the other person has switched off their emotions even if you have. Thus, dating someone and bringing them to the house is unacceptable. Rather it is hurtful and inconsiderate. Having a conversion with someone you are romantically interested in while your partner is around should not happen. This is like rubbing salt in an open wound even if they tell you that it is ok to do so. You will have plenty of time to date and flirt if you decide to call it quits. But for now, the whole idea is to work on mending your relationship from a personal angle. If you have both done your part and find the relationship irreparable then you may look at moving on alone.
Be Civil To Each Other If You Are on A Break While Living Together
Benefits of taking a break while living together
There are in fact benefits to taking a break while living together. Some of these are:
- You still get to be around each other
- You have the opportunity to subconsciously mend the relationship if you used to argue a lot
- It prevents loneliness that follows an actual breakup
- You get space to think while still having them around
- Though you are living together you experience a level of calmness and peace
- You get to figure out your priorities while having them around to remind you of the relationship and what you really want from it
- While you may not miss your partner physically, you get to miss the things you did together
- They may realize that despite the arguments or reasons for the break, they still like having you around.
There are Advantages And Disadvantages To Taking A Break While Living Together
Disadvantages of taking a break while living together
Just as there are benefits to taking a break while living together, there are also disadvantages.
- Y0u are not allowed enough space and freedom to think rationally about what you want from the relationship.
- You will not miss the person’s physical presence thus not getting the feel of what it will be like to not have them around. Sometimes you need to feel this in order to decide if you want them in your life for the long haul.
- You may be tempted to break the no intimacy rule
- You still depend on the other person since they are around
- There may still be arguments
- If the break is a result of cheating there may be animosity, anger, and jealousy, thus preventing healing from taking place.
