Each time you enter into a relationship you may have asked yourself the question… Is he/she right for me? While there are no foolproof answers to this question there are ways to choose someone you are quite compatible with and who may just be the right person for you.
When it comes to relationships, however, it can be more like buying a house. You go house hunting and you find that the house you are viewing has the perfect square footage, the ideal wood color, the right amount of bedrooms and bathrooms, but the closet is way too small, or the basement is undeveloped. There is usually something that isn’t quite right and you have to figure out if you want to buy the house and settle for the imperfection that comes with it. Or if you want to continue looking until you find one with everything to your satisfaction.
You Can Choose Someone That Is Right For You
So it is with relationships. Usually, the person you are with has a number of wonderful qualities that you really admire, but sometimes there are a few things about them that either turns you off completely or annoys the heck out of you. So what do you do? Do you get into that relationship accepting them for their flaw(s) or do you move on still searching for that perfect person?
Choosing Someone That’s Right For You
Choosing someone that is right for you is something that many persons are not sure how to do. Thus they find themselves going from relationship to relationship searching for their Mr. or Mrs. Ideal. Here is a guide on choosing someone that is right for you.
1. Accept that there is no such thing as a perfect person
In choosing someone that is right for you, you first have to accept that there is no such thing as the perfect person. We all have our own flaws — yes, even you! Sometimes we refuse to accept and acknowledge this fact but others may acknowledge this about us. And if you are not perfect then the next person you meet will not be either. When it comes to relationships and choosing someone that is right for you, you have to weigh the pros and cons. You have to first decide if their fault is something you can live with or if it can become detrimental to your relationship in the future. Example, you met someone and on your first date out you notice that every woman who passes he cannot help but turn around and stare at them, making you feel invisible in the process. He will even acknowledge that he loves looking at other women but that it means nothing. But that it’s just a habit he has. You now have to decide if you want to be with someone who makes you feel unattractive when you are around him and who instead takes pleasure in openly staring at other women in your presence. Is this someone you can live with for the long term without arguing about it or will you just accept him for who he is? especially since he is so kind and caring towards you and so thoughtful that he told you his fault from the beginning?
There Is No Such Thing As A Perfect Person
Thus, even though you accept that there is no perfect person you have to decide what you are willing to settle for and what you are not. It doesn’t make sense getting involved with someone now with the notion that you will change them. That you are the master of persuasion and so you will succeed in making them change to who you want them to be. That rarely ever happens. Adults are adults, they do not usually change their true self. Even if they pretend to for a while.
2. Get to know them
The only way to determine if someone is right for you is by getting to know them. Getting to know them means spending time with them in various situations and scenarios. People can pretend to be who they think you want them to be, but at some point if you keep your ears and eyes open you will see their true qualities shining through. Spend time talking to them, ask all the questions you want to ask, now is the perfect time to do so. Go out with them alone — but not in an intimate setting. Go out with them with friends, go out with them in public. Observe how they respond and interact with others. Talk about sensitive topics like past relationships. When you ask questions listen to their answers. Don’t ignore things that may not sit right with you. And don’t ignore things that pops up in their behaviour or reaction as red flags. Do not tell yourself you are giving them the benefit of the doubt. Bring it up with them. No time to let someone know what you expect and don’t expect from a relationship than the early stages. Things you ignore now could come around to bite you in the future if you decide to settle with this person. Down the line you will be told you knew they were like that and it wasn’t a problem to you then so why is it a problem now. As a result, set the foundation from the beginning.
Spend Time Getting To Know The Person You Want To Be With
3. Be yourself
One of the most important things in forging a relationship is to be yourself. Never pretend to be who the other person wants you to be and never pretend to be someone you are not. This will only cause issues down the line if you decide that this is someone you would like to be with. Imagine if the other person was a pretender and you found that out later, how would that make you feel? It is just as important if you are engaged in online dating that you also be your true self. There have been way too many stories of persons sending even wrong pictures of themselves to the next party to hide what they truly look like. Only to have when they finally decide to meet in person that disappointment and anger comes into play as the lie has now been discovered.
Pretending to be someone else shows that you are not confident in who who are, and if you are not confident and proud of who you are or what you look like then the next person automatically will not be either. When you exude confidence it becomes contagious and you will get the respect you command subconsciously. Pretending to be someone else never leads to a happy ending. If you are looking to find someone that is right for you, you have to be honest and open about who you are, what you like and don’t like, what you expect and don’t expect. Otherwise you could let a good opportunity pass you by.
Be Yourself Around The Person You Want To Be With
4. Know Yourself
In order to be yourself you have to first know yourself. A number of persons are unable to be themselves because they simply do not know themselves. As a result, they will accept just about anything someone brings their way and will only allow themselves to be used as the other person sees fit. Not knowing yourself means you will leave yourself open to hurt, it shows low self esteem and thus acting how someone else programs you to act. So before you venture into looking at choosing someone that is right for you, sit down and analyse who you really are. Make a list of self examination if needs be. Write down your likes and dislikes in a partner. Write down your long term goal in a relationship to include where you see yourself in five years down the line. Think about and take note of what makes you happy and what upsets you.
If you have never been in a relationship and don’t know what to expect, look at relationships your friends and family are in and note what about them you like and what you do not like. What upsets you when they told you what their partner may have done and what made you smile. Use your emotions to guide you as to what you will also like and accept and what you would not. Again, you have to know yourself before you can invest in a relationship, but you have to know yourself before you can be yourself.
Know Yourself In Order To Choose Someone That’s Right For You
5. Don’t be too quick to jump into bed
If you are looking for a lasting relationship it is best to get to know the other person before jumping into the sack. While society encourages sex as a freedom of expression, and it is even expected of you — days, weeks, months — after you enter into a relationship, it is best to follow step one above before you think about having sex. Sex complicate things. Think about it, a number of persons you may have slept with before are no longer in your life, some of them you may not even remember if you want to be honest. Therefore, they were not the right person for you, yet you shared something with them that should be considered. Think with your head and not your body. Whether for religious reasons or not, having sex before forging a solid relationship often leads to — nothing. The five – 10 minutes of pleasure is what has torn many relationships apart before they even began. Why? Because persons never really connected at the heart. The only connection was at the hips.
It is a fact that some persons will only view you as someone to release their sexual tensions with, they are not interested in getting to know you. And so once you have indulge them a few times, the relationship starts going downhill from there. If you are looking to chose someone that is right for you, that person will add no pressure into you having sex. Take a page from the Netflix series ‘Jane the Virgin’. Let the person you are choosing value you for who you are and not what you can offer in bed. Then when you have decided to finally be together you will realise that sex was well worth the wait and you are both able to grow together and appreciate each other for who you really are.
Save Sex For Later
6. Know what you want and stand by it
If you are looking for someone that is right for you, you have to first know what you want. Decide prior in your mind what works for you and what doesn’t. When you have a clear goal of this, you are then able to derive if a person is right for you based on what they are bringing to the table. As mentioned in #1, there is no such thing as the perfect person, however, there is such a thing as the ideal person. Each persons idea of ideal will be different and so you have to know what your ideal looks like.
It will be this idea of your ideal that will help you to chose someone that is right for you. Once you get to know them then you will be able to analyze if they meet up to your level of ideal. Stick to your plan. If you find a slight detour that you know will not annoy or hurt you then it will be up to you to see if the good far outweighs th not so good. But in general, when it comes to the morals, the values, and the principles of the person you want to settle with, do not compromise.
