Sex on the first date is an age-old controversial topic that many still discuss. Though people’s mentality seems to have changed over time to — in many cases — become more liberal, there are still a number of people who think about the impact of having sex on the very first date. This question mainly comes from the women who believe that they will be considered as not ‘marriage material’ afterward. In fact, no matter how far society has evolved, there will always be many questioning their values if they ever have sex on a first date. If you are one of those women or men who are wondering whether or not sex on the first date is right and acceptable, then you are at the right place.
The first and foremost thing that you need to know is that whether you do this or not is depended on you, your values, and many other factors. But we can provide you with some advice that can help you in making the right decision best for you. Read on to know more about it.
Should you or should you not?
First dates can be a real surprise for you. No one knows whether it is going to be a good one or a bad one. Sometimes, a first date can be incredibly amazing, and sometimes it can be a horrible experience as well. And while many people see nothing wrong with it, when it comes to having sex on your first date, it will be completely your decision or choice. But the decision that people take is affected by certain factors like:
- Chemistry
- Past experience
- Compatibility
- Attraction
Chemistry
If you feel an incredible and unmatched chemistry between you and your date, it can often lead to the desire to have sex that very first time. The chemistry between two people can be visible even on the first date. How to know that you two have great chemistry? When you have it, you will know it! However, there are some signs that can be proof of having good chemistry. Some examples of these are eye contact not being awkward, being comfortable around each other, feeling as if you have known this person for a long time, having great conversations, and more.
Having Good Chemistry Can Make you Want to Have Sex on the First Date
Past Experience
Past experience in relationships and dates can affect your decisions. Mostly, if people have a bitter experience in the past, then it can affect their current decision to a great extent. The experience can be anything, maybe you had sex on a first date before and never received so much as a text from the other person after that date. In this case, it is up to you if you want to take things slowly or go through that experience again. Along with this, there may often be self-shaming, family expectations, and of course how you viewed yourself after that past experience, etc.
Compatibility
When a person is highly compatible with you, things tend to feel good. You can know that you are compatible when your likes and dislikes match a lot. It is also possible that your thought process may very well be alike. When you two are compatible with each other in different ways, people often want to compare sexual compatibility as well. This can lead to having sex on the first day. But when the compatibility is completely off, you may decide not to take the date further. In fact, there are people who have had first-date sex and then realize shortly after that sex was the only thing they had in common — not good!
Feeling Compatible can lead to Sex on the First Date
Attraction
Attraction is another aspect that can make you feel as if you want to have sex on your first date. It is natural to feel attracted to someone even on the very first encounter. It can be their physical appearance or their irresistible charm that can have you all wobbly. People can find different things about the next person attractive. When the attraction is mutual, you may feel the need to have sex on your first date.
What do you want?
When it comes to sex on a first date, many people get a little bit confused about it, if you are among them, then you need to ask yourself some questions. Some of these are:
- What are your personal beliefs about having sex on the very first date?
- What is influencing your beliefs about having sex on your first date? Is it friends, family, your date, or your need to have a partner because you are getting old…?
- Will you be able to wake up the next day shame-free?
- How would it affect you if this person never reaches out to you again after that first encounter?
It is not so much about what others think about sex on the first date, as what you think. So, you need to ask yourself about your personal beliefs regarding this matter. If you are not okay with it, then this is what you should stick by and not let society or even your date — no matter how attractive that date may be — let you go against those beliefs! But if you are okay with the idea, then ask yourself the questions above.
What do you Want After the First Date
“It is just sex”
While many people still think that sex is just sex and just something they do for enjoyment and then move on from, this is really not so. There is more to sex than just hooking up for the heck of it, therefore, it should be given serious thought before it is entered into. It comes with many emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual factors. It can cause broken hearts, damage one’s self-esteem causes health issues, and even ruin families. So the idea that sex is just sex should not be a part of your reason for doing it.
Consulting a therapist
As discussed above, many things can influence your decision about having sex on the first date. If you have been having first-date sex and it has not been working out for you, then you may need some external help. It is recommended that you consult with a professional therapist or relationship coach. They can help you in different ways such as helping you to understand your need to keep having first-date sex even though it has not been working out. It is the duty of a therapist and relationship coach to assess your thought process, diagnose your issues and help you to figure out some reliable ways to cope with them. A therapist can help you in different ways, such as:
- Understanding what you want
The most important thing that you need to know is what you want in reality, as many times people do things on a hunch because they have not settled in their minds what they really want. Sometimes you can find yourself living out what others want from you rather than what you really want for yourself. Sometimes it’s the pressure to find a mate that can make you rush into sex thinking that will get you that partner when in reality it doesn’t work that way. You need to understand who you are and what you want from a relationship in order to figure out what you can do from there. A therapist can help you to get a better understanding of your thought process, your wants, your needs, and what is best for you.
A Therapist can Help you Understand what you want from a Relationship
- To cope with external pressure
The next thing that a therapist can help you with is coping with external pressures. You can easily get affected by external pressures from friends, family, your date, and society. It can be the pressure from all these sources that can push you into doing something you didn’t want to do in the first place. All these can be too much for you to handle alone. The therapist can help you be firmer in your beliefs and avoid giving in to these external pressures.
- Anxiety or other difficulties
A therapist can also help you to cope with your anxiety and other difficulties properly. If you have had some bitter experiences in the past, it can result in some anxiety, PTSD, and more. If the experience is related to dating and relationships, you need to seek help in order to cope with this problem. As mentioned earlier, past bad experiences can actually make you anxious on a first date. You may have given in to your urges and ended up having sex on a first date in the past only to be dubbed as ‘cheap’ by your date and his friends. In fact, all his friends have been trying to go out with you knowing what they will get at the end of the night. This has left you not only traumatized but has chipped away at your self-esteem leaving you quite anxious when you think about dating.
Things to know about sex on the first date
While many people are still struggling with the decision about whether or not to have sex on the first night, there are some things that you need to know. Sex on the first date can be an attractive and thrilling concept. No doubt, it can be fun. But you need to be aware of certain things as well. Here are some of the important things that you need to be aware of:
- Unpredictable things can happen
Yes, the first-date sex can be quite unpredictable, as this is a new person and you didn’t get the opportunity to explore all their sides, so in situations like this, you never know what to expect. You are exploring intimacy with a person for the first time and you don’t even know the person properly — sometimes not even their last name! Though the sex itself can be fun and thrilling, be ready to face weird things as well.
- Make sure the person is reliable
Though it is not possible to know a person completely on the very first date, at least you need to know if the person is reliable or not before you think about such a bold move. You need to stay safe and you need to make sure that the persona you are having sex with is at least genuine and reliable. This, however, takes time and cannot be accomplished on the first date.
Ensure Your Date is Reliable before Jumping into Bed with Them
- Performance can be poor
Sex on the first date can make some people quite anxious. This anxiety or stress can have an impact on the act itself. So, you may not end up getting what you expected, or may not satisfy the other person as well. Satisfying sex means taking time to know the person including what they like and don’t like. This includes getting to know each other outside of the bedroom. This too cannot happen on the first date.
- Exploring different fantasies
Different people have different fantasies. Your date may have some wild fantasies that you may not be aware of — and may not be able prepared to fulfill. While some adventurous people may see this as a good thing, it can also be extremely bad for you.
- All he wants is sex
As much as society tries to change the fact and tells you it is your life so you can live it as you please, at the end of the day some things remain the same. Some persons have had sex on their first date and have gone on to have meaningful relationships, but there are others who have done so and the other person never sees them as anything else than a ‘quick fix’ after that. They never see you as the one they would take home to mama, and not the one they would spend their life with. You can never tell what side of the equation you will end up on. There are even persons who have had sex on their first date and continue seeing each other after that, but every time they do so, it is only about sex. Therefore, that is all they see when they see you — just someone to have sex with. They never really see you as a person with feelings, dreams, and hobbies, never ever ask how your day was, etc. Many times this is not what you bargained for, especially if you went on the date looking for a meaningful and lasting relationship. The rationale behind it is that if you skipped all the bases and got to third base in one night then why stop now?
He only Wants Sex But you Want a Relationship
Sex should not be entered into lightly
Sex is, and should be considered a sacred act that should never be entered into lightly. Each time you have sex with someone you leave a little part of yourself with them. The question is, how much of yourself will you give to others and walk away from? If you give away much of yourself each time you have sex with a stranger, at some point you will lose so much of who you are that you begin to lose your identity and is no longer sure of who you are and what you are about.
Summary
This is what you need to know about having sex on the first date — everyone has their own idea on the matter, but ultimately it depends on you, what you believe, what your values are, and what you want from a relationship. Try not to get affected by what people believe, think, or expect from you. And try to avoid doing something you will regret afterward, especially since it is not something you can take back. It is your life and you need to make the decisions for yourself. You have to assess what you want because, at the end of the day, you have to live with yourself! It is best to seek the help of experts to get better clarity about your thinking and to position your thought process in the right way.
