There is a very popular saying that ‘absence makes the heart grows fonder’. This statement is very true if you share a special bond with someone over time. As a result, if you are not present they will miss the things you did; certain phrases and comments they have come to associate with you; they may miss the way you smell; the way you laugh, etc. So will he miss you if you leave him alone? If you shared a close bond, then the answer is yes.
However, if the person had no real emotional connection to you and you have more become an annoyance to them than anything else, then missing you may not come into play – in fact, they may even be relieved that you finally left them alone. Sorry, that’s the cold truth!
When you break up with someone or visa versa, you always want to know that they are missing you. This gives you some amount of reassurance that:
- You meant something to them
- They loved having you around
- They may come back to you
- They may come to the realization that they cannot live without you
- It gives you some level of confidence after the breakup
- Makes the impact of the breakup a bit more bearable
He will miss you if you leave him alone after a breakup
How can I make my ex miss me after the breakup?
The most effective tool you can use after a breakup is ignoring your ex. Imagine being in the position yourself, how would you feel if your ex decided to ignore you for weeks on end? Wouldn’t that utterly kill you? After a while you will miss them so much you become desperate and have to give yourself 100 reasons why you should not reach out to them first. Well, it’s the same with your ex if you leave him alone, and the reality of not seeing or hearing from you begins to kick in. They will start missing you like crazy. Not only that, but they will now be thinking of ways in which they can reach out to you without seeming desperate.
Think about it — if you are constantly in their face what is there to miss? You cannot miss something or someone you still have. Being in their face is like still having you.
Abigail’s story is a testament to this.
Months after getting married and moving in with her husband Ramone, Abigail discovered that he was still having an affair with his ex who had two children for him. Ramone and sworn prior to getting married that any intimate relationship between himself and his ex was over long ago and that the only connection they had was the children. However, after Abigail received a text message from his ex informing her of the continued relationship with her husband, and based on the messages she saw in her husband’s phone, Abigail realized that her husband had been lying to her all this time. For the next year and a half, they argued constantly until one day Abigail decided she was not going to take it any longer. She moved out.
At first, she was so angry that she wanted nothing to do with him. This anger propelled her to not text, not call, not check out his status, and had zero contact with him for months. From time to time he would text asking insignificant questions which she would deliberately ignore.
Two months went by without her sending even a ‘hello’ text. Though her anger had begun to subside, she purposed in her heart that she wanted nothing to do with him as his lifestyle was not what she was going to settle for.
Almost three months later, Abigail received a text from her husband in the middle of the night with three words – ‘I miss you’.
She admitted to being quite intrigued by the text and kept reading it over and over for days and just kept smiling. However, she did not respond.
A week later she received another text – ‘we need to talk’.
It was obvious her husband was missing her and wanted to have a conversation regarding their future. However, just to be clear on what he wanted Abigail responded with a question — ‘Is it about getting a divorce?’. The reply she got back was ‘No’.
He will text you if you leave him alone after a breakup
When she finally decided to meet with him Abigail said he told her that he could not believe she never once took up her phone to ask him how he was and that he felt she did not care about him anymore. He told her that despite everything they had gone through he was still in love with her and wanted her back.
Because of her continued silence, Abigail gave her husband space to reflect on their marriage, on his behavior, and what he wanted their future to be like. Her silence made him aware that he could not live without her and that he would make whatever sacrifices and do whatever he needed to do to win her back and regain her trust.
Today, many counseling sessions later, though the two are not yet living back together, they are planning a future on how trust can be established and working on the things that should and should not be a part of their marriage.
Abigail feels she still needs to see more transformation in him to be certain things have changed for the better before she decides that it is time to move back in together as husband and wife.
The point of this story is that Abigail lived by the no contact rule and found that her husband genuinely missed her, thought about her a lot, and reached out to her after the breakup. Not only that, but he was now willing to do whatever it takes to make their marriage work. This in itself showed how much he missed her and wanted her back in his life.
Silence is the best weapon after a breakup
Why silence is the best weapon after a breakup
Being silent after a breakup allows for a number of things to happen to both you and your ex after you have parted ways. Some of the benefits include:
- Give them time to miss you: Whether he expected to or not, time apart will allow him to miss all the things he loved about you. Thus making him aware he still loves you.
- Give them time for self- introspection: Sometimes couples break up because they may not be ready for the responsibility that comes with a relationship, or because they were not fully prepared for commitment to just one person, or because they disagreed on just about everything. Not communicating with him during this time apart allows both of you to do some self-introspection and to decide what you both need to change or accept in order to make the relationship work.
- Gives them time to better themselves: Not being in touch allows them — and you, to focus on you as an individual and working on making you better. This will allow him — and you to get involved in things you wanted to do but didn’t because you were more focused on the relationship and the needs of the other person. This will make you both better for each other should you decide to get back together, or better for your next relationship in the future.
- Learn from their mistakes: Silence will allow them to think about what they may have done wrong in the relationship and learn from it. Thus allowing them to not make the same mistake in the relationship in the future.
- Gives you time to decide if you really want back your relationship: Staying silent and taking the time to not communicate allows you to think about what you really want from the relationship. You may have decided to separate out of anger, but now that you allowed yourself time to stay away from him, this allows you to clearly decide if you still want the relationship without any influence from him.
- Makes them see the value and role you played in their lives: Sometimes your partner does not value the role you play in their lives or value you because they have grown so accustomed to you always being there that they took you for granted. Time away allows them to learn to value you all over again and appreciate why you were in their life, to begin with.
- Jealousy creeps in: After not hearing from you for some time, he will begin to wonder what you are doing and who you are doing it with. Thus he will try to win you back. He now begins to wonder if you are with someone else and is happy with that person. This will trigger the need to reach out to you to confirm what has been happening in your life since the breakup.
- He realizes he is no longer in control of the situation: Some men like to feel in control of things and in control of the woman they are with. You remaining silent and not keeping in touch after the breakup gives him the feeling of losing his grip on things as he begins to realize he can no longer control your actions etc. This may have him lashing out in negative ways initially, but he will eventually calm down to the realization that control is not what has been propelling his negative behavior but simply because he misses you so much.
Keeping silent after a breakup shows that you are strong and independent
What ignoring him after a breakup says about you:
- That you are independent — that you can survive without him, contrary to what he may have thought.
- That you do not wish to focus on the situation that caused the split initially — that you have had enough and do not wish to talk about or focus on issues that lead to the breakup.
- That you are not thinking much about him: (though this is not true, he doesn’t have to know this – yet!). That you are focused on other things and haven’t made him the center of your whole world.
- That you are moving on with your life: That despite the breakup you have decided to move on with your life without the begging and pleading for him to take you back. Nor are you finding subtle ways to wheel your way back in his life by constant texting or calling, etc.
- It makes him more attracted to you: Just as women hate clingy, so do men. They like knowing that they are with a strong and independent woman who can stand on her own – only she may not want to and chose to be with him because she finds him an important addition to her life. Men are more attracted to women who are able to make rational decisions on their own without running to them for everything. Thus, leaving him alone will serve to make him even more attracted to you as he will now realize that while you can do without them, it was a matter of choice that you chose to be with them. This is what will trigger a greater appreciation of you and what you stand for.
- It says you are giving him the space he requested if he was the one who initiated the breakup: If he is the one who wanted the breakup then indirectly he was saying he wanted to be alone and away from you. Therefore staying away from him is you honoring his request, no matter how painful it may be for you. If you keep in touch then you are defeating the purpose of him wanting to be away from you. However, remember what was said at the beginning of this blog – absence makes the heart grows fonder. Be absent.
If he was into the relationship as much as you were, and you find yourself missing him after the breakup, then be assured, the same emotions you are experiencing are the same ones he will be experiencing too. If not, then your relationship was one-sided and isn’t worth fighting for. And that’s the cold truth!