It’s true — different strokes for different folks. So while some people enjoy having their relationships out there for the world to see, others prefer to play it down and keep their relationship private for one reason or another. It points to personalities and preferences and what works for some and what doesn’t work for others
So why do some couples choose to keep their relationship private?
Keeping your relationship private or going public is a personal decision that needs to be agreed on by both partners. It should never be that one person sees the need to post their wonderful romantic night spent alone in some fantasy resort on social media for all the world to see, while your partner is a very private conservative person. This can damage any relationship as once you post you cannot retrieve, even if you remove the post the fact is that the information is already out there and embedded in the minds of others.
What are some reasons persons keep their relationships private?
1. Family may not approve:
Whether it’s status or pride there are couples who chose to keep their relationships private because their families do not approve. One family may be rich and intend for their child to marry into equal riches and so forbid anything outside of that. Yet, the heart wants what the heart wants and doesn’t see wealth, color, class, or gender when falling in love. Thus a rich person falling for a poor lover may choose to keep this on the down-low.
2.Religion:
Some religions forbid falling in love/getting involved/marrying someone outside of that religion, thus when two people from different religious backgrounds fall in love they may choose to keep their relationship private.
3. It may be a gay relationship:
A number of gay couples may choose to keep their relationships private out of the fear of the impact from family, friends, and members of their communities. Others fear the impact from the wider society especially in cultures where being gay is seen as a crime punishable by death.
4. Too much pressure:
If you are a celebrity then your life is out there for public scrutiny at all times. However, not all celebrities are comfortable with every detail of their private lives laid out on every social media platform and every television and radio stations across the world. Thus keeping their relationships private at all times is a better option for some.
5. You are still getting to know the other person:
Sometimes you are just getting to know the person you are dating and not yet sure where it will lead. As a result, you will choose to keep it private just in case it does not work out. This will eliminate embarrassing questions that you may not even have any answers to should you decide to call it off.
6. People can use it against you:
Having your relationship out there means setting yourself up as a target. You may have been in a bad relationship before and your ex decides to burn you with your new partner by stalking them and letting them know what a big mistake they are making by getting involved with you. They may even take it a notch further by outlining all your flaws — that you didn’t even know you have. This could result in your new conquest hightailing out the door.
7. You get to enjoy each other without outside criticism:
Having a private relationship affords you the privilege of enjoying each other’s company without any outside criticisms or finger-pointing. You are able to relax around each other more and just focus on getting to know each other on a personal level.
8. Keeps people away who never have anything good to say:
We all have some of those, those people in our lives that never have anything good to say and shuts down everything that you try to do. Being in a relationship is no different. The moment they learned that you are involved they will give you every reason under the sun why they know your relationship will not last and when you are done listening to them, even you are convinced that they are right and leave your relationship before it even started.
9. Not needing validation:
Unfortunately, there are a number of people who live their lives via social media. They just simply cannot exist without it. The moment they open their eyes in the mornings they will reach for their phones to tell the world they are up, from there it will be a blow by blow account of what they will be doing next from brushing their teeth to what brand undies they will be wearing that day. If you need to broadcast your every move, including your new date, it may be that you cannot exist without validation. If this is the case, then you will not be relying on your feelings for the other person to guide the growth of your relationship but is relying on what the populace says. Thus you may not be into the person at all but will only stay with them based on good reviews for their wonderful outfit, great hair, etc. This is not a good way to build a relationship. Keeping your relationship private means you can get to know them on your own terms thus deciding for yourself if they are good for you. Otherwise, you are just in the relationship as a show and not because it makes you happy.
10. One or both persons are already involved/married: Unfortunately, this is one of the most common reasons people keep their relationships private, they are already hitched! Thus the new relationship is kept private to protect them both.
Who should be privy to your relationship?
Keeping your relationship private does not mean no one knows that you have one, keeping it private is different from keeping it a secret. Keeping it private means it’s between the two of you and a selected group of people that you chose to make aware of it. In this case, the people closest to you that you can trust. It means while you are not broadcasting it to the world, you will go out to dinners, have weekends away, etc., but will not admit to everyone asking that you are actually a couple.
Keeping your relationship private means that there are some details that you will share with the people you have allowed into your trusted circle. It means that what happens between the two of you, for the most part, stays between the two of you unless you both decide otherwise. However, you may need a second opinion on a particular matter from time to time regarding the relationship thus the reason you can allow those few people in.
On the other hand, keeping your relationship a secret means not letting it be seen or known by anyone else – not even those closest to you. It means you will never be seen out in public and everything you do will be behind closed doors.
Benefits of keeping your relationship private
There are a number of benefits to keeping your relationship private and not sharing it with the entire world. Some of which are:
1. No dictator — you will not have any outside forces dictating to you what to do and what not to do, how to treat your partner, and how not to treat them. At the end of the day, you should spend the time getting to know each other and learning from each other what works for you individually and as a couple. Everyone’s relational experiences are different so everyone likes different things from their partners, which means what works for them may not necessarily work for you. Therefore, learning from each other how to treat the other is ideal.
2. Meaningful connection — Sometimes people fall for someone because of what they think they know about them – like falling for Wesley Snipes because of the role he played in Blade. Well, having your relationship all over social media and getting great reviews about the two of you together can lead to you thinking you are madly in love when in reality you are only in love with the image others portray of them. If your relationship is private you can actually develop a meaningful connection that makes you love the person for who they really are and not what others think.
3. Less Pressure — trying to live up to other people’s expectations is a lot of pressure! When you can just be yourself and enjoy each other without others expecting you to be and do what they think, is so much more relaxing and gives you the freedom to enjoy each other so much more. Pressure causes tension and tension cause anger and if you are always angry in your relationship then you know it will only be a matter of time before it’s over.
4. Freedom to breakup — if you have spent time together and got to know each other but realize that you are not compatible with each other, then in a private relationship you can breakup without the drama of having to prolong the relationship just for show. A lot of persons are guilty of being in relationships simply because it is expected of them and because it would raise a number of questions from others if they should decide to throw in the towel.
5. Less criticism — Not everyone can deal with negative opinions. So having a private relationship will eliminate the possibility of criticism which could lead to a premature breakup. The fact is that the less outside forces you have to fight against the more time you will spend growing and cherishing your relationship. Being in the public’s eyes means everyone will have their two cents to add to your relationship.
6. No False accusations — There are those who thrive on picking out everything that someone does and reading something big into it. So much so that reporting back to the next partner or broadcasting it on their social media page can be damaging to the relationship. Having a private relationship means fewer chances of false accusations and fewer chances of a breakup as a result.
- Spending more quality time together — Since your relationship is private you can enjoy the freedom of dining in and even out without the constant stares or whispers. You can spend quality time together without the fear that you are being constantly being watched and not having to do things to the expectations of others around you. Having a private relationship means no one will care what you doing and who you are doing it with.
- Less money to spend on your wedding! — Yes! yes! it’s true — if you have a private relationship that people were simply not aware of, then having it grow to the point where you decide to make that big step mean no one will have their feelings hurt because they are not on the wedding list. After all, what they don’t know won’t hurt them! They didn’t even know you were seeing someone let alone getting married! So now you can choose just who you would like to be a part of your special day! Now you can have that small intimate wedding you always dreamed of.