Several persons share what is commonly referred to as a long-distance relationship. This is a romantic relationship shared by two people who are geographically separated from each other thus preventing intimate face to face contact. However, due to the advancement of technology, many persons have found creative ways to have long-distance intimacy despite not being able to physically connect.
Studies show that long-distance relationships are particularly prevalent among college students, accounting for 25 to 50 percent of all relationships.
But while long-distance relationships have their own challenges, there have been numerous success stories of persons finally able to bridge the gap and marrying each other. However, others end up in nothing but regret and disaster – see Migrating Into Hell! Two Women Share Their Stories
Though long-distance relationships aren’t always easy, the distance doesn’t have to ruin your union. With complete commitment and regular communication, long-distance relationships can actually be very successful. In fact, many such relationships have proven to be happier than some geographically close relationships.
Some key factors to remember in making your long-distance relationship work:
1. Communicate lots! The most important thing in any relationship is communication – long distance unions are no exception. In fact, it is required even more since you won’t be able to use your body to speak for you. Thanks to technology, there are a number of ways to communicate while actually seeing each other virtually. Constant communication is what will allow both parties to feel special, appreciated, and secure despite the distance. It is through verbal communication that you will establish and maintain that emotional connection. Constant communication will also keep you in the loop as to what is going on in each other’s lives as well as build trust as you will know exactly what the other is doing at all times. The more often you communicate the more you will feel that deep connection, which over time can grow into love without any physical touch.
2. Talk about everything! It is very important that you talk about everything including joking with each other and things that seem insignificant. This will also show the real you and help you both to be relaxed with each other. Having light moments will confirm that you really connect and reduces the feeling of loneliness.
3. Understand each other! In order to understand each other, you first have to get to know each other. While a number of relationships are built strictly on sexual attraction – thus having a greater failure rate, you have the luxury of getting to know the heart of each other. Nothing beats this in a relationship! When you finally get together everything will just click! Thus, it is very important to spend the time really getting to know and understand each other. When talking, pay keen attention to what they are saying so they will see that you really are interested.
Understand each other in long-distance relationships
4. Be supportive! Treat your long-distance relationship the way you would if you were living together. This means being supportive of each other’s dreams and aspirations. If you are in a relationship of any kind and one partner is not supportive of the other, you will have problems. Thus, make yourself available if they are having issues that they want to talk about. No matter how insignificant it may seem to you, the fact is it means something to them, and you are the one they want to share it with and to help them through it. Being supportive is how they will know you really care. They will also become dependent on your support and encouragement and can’t wait to get to that time of day when they can rush home to sit on their device to talk to you.
5. There must be trust! Next to communication, there is nothing more important in a relationship than trust – especially in long-distance relationships. Thus, both parties have to be totally honest and transparent with each other. While the temptation may be there to get involved with someone else that is physically present – especially for physical comfort and sexual gratification – it is very important that if you make a commitment to be in a long-distance relationship that you live up to it. Be honest and open about what you do, where you go, who you go with, what you are feeling, etc. This is the only way to develop trust over the miles.
6. Be faithful! Many persons in a long-distance relationship feel it is ok to sleep with other people since their partner is not around and they have desires that must be fulfilled. This is just an excuse for sleeping around! YOU made the commitment to have a long-distance relationship and of such, you should endeavor to remain faithful – no matter how challenging that might be. If you are having desires that seem uncontrollable speak to your partner about it. Work through it together. Chances are they are having the same feelings. But remind yourself – how would you feel to find out that they went outside the relationship? Not good right? That’s the same way they too would feel should you decide to indulge yourself with someone else.
Long-distance relationships have challenges.
Unfortunately, like any other intimate relationship, there comes a time when couples are faced with challenges and the decision must be made to either work through these issues – if they can be worked through – or call it quits.
So, if lately, you have been realizing that things are not going as you thought it would be and the distance is taking a toll on you, should you call it quits? When do you leave a long-distance relationship?
These are some signs to look out for to let you know it may very well be time to let it go:
1. You do not communicate the way you use to. As mentioned above, communication is the most important part of any relationship as this is how you bond and get to know each other… and keep knowing each other. If you no longer make the effort to talk to each other – despite the dozens of technological outlets that are available at your fingertips and find that you talk only once per week, then once per two weeks, and still it lessons, and when you do talk it’s for five minutes or less and neither of you has an issue with this, then maybe you have both moved on mentally and only now are just going through the motions.
2. No more trust. Trust is very important in keeping a long-distance relationship going. Neither of the two should spend every waking moment wondering what the other is doing and who they are doing it with. Then when you finally get on the phone you argue all the time about it. Lack of trust leads to incessant arguments which then sucks away at the precious time you should be spending together bonding, while also sucking away at your energies.
3. Cheating stepped in. So, one person finally decided to cave into the desires of the flesh and indulge in one or a few non-committal relationships, using the excuse that their partner is not around, and they have needs that need to be met. Cheating, whether in a relationship where persons are living together or geographically divided can tear any relationship apart. While the sex itself may have lasted all of five minutes, the aftereffect of cheating is lifelong and life-changing.
4. You no longer make plans together. Once you were excited to connect virtually as you would spend hours planning what your lives would be like and what you wanted to do when you finally got together – whether for the first time or if one person had to leave the country for whatever reason for a long period of time. Now, all those dreams have vanished and one or neither of you seem to have the desire to rekindle them.
5. You found someone else. You no longer feel the need for a long-distance relationship as you have found someone who is present both physically and emotionally and have grown attached in more ways than one. This may be a good time to end your long-distance relationship. However, ensure that you have this conversation with the other person.
You discovered the other person in the long-distance relationship is never coming back.
6. You discovered the other person is never coming back. So, you had the best of intentions where your relationship was concerned. You did everything right – made sure you made the time and then some to communicate and had lengthy discussions about everything. The plan was that they would return at a given time and you felt they were worth the wait. Then you discovered their plans have changed and they may not be coming back for another five years and you have no way of going to visit. This may be time for both of you to move on as they may never be in your future.
7. Phone sex and talking dirty on the phone is just a blast from the past. A number of couples in long-distance relationships find phone sex or parading in front of the camera a way of keeping each other engaged and sparks burning over the miles. If you find that you or your significant other is no longer interested in this and that when you mention it, it gets thrown back in your face chances are the sparks have burnt out. This should be a topic of discussion so you can decide what to do and where to go from there.
No one wants to be in a long-distance relationship, but the reality is that life happens and you might have to deal with the many phone calls, video calls – whatever it takes to survive the long lonely nights. However, that’s a lot of investment of your time, and if absence didn’t make the heart grow fonder … it caused it to wander! Take this quiz and find out if you still have the real deal or if it’s time to say goodbye for good!
Your lover still sounds excited every time you call
O a. Yes
O b. Neither excited nor brusque
O c. Sounds kind of brusque
Your communication is…
O a. Just as good as ever, in fact, better
O b. Checks in every now and then
O c. Finding it hard to get him on the phone
When talking about intimate issues…
O a. It gets real heated
O b. Your partners seem to be humoring you
O c. The conversation is strained
In making definite plans for the future…
O a. Eager to make plans
O b. Your partner wants to put off the conversation
O c. Changes the subject
You hear sounds of the opposite sex in the background…
O a. Puts the person on the line after explaining
O b. Your partner hurriedly changes the subject when you ask
O c. Laughs and says it is his cousin
Talking to your lover these days…
O a. Still makes you feel good
O b. Boring and having too many pauses as you search for something to say
O c. Is more of an argument
Results:
If you get mostly ‘A’s fight for your relationship…you definitely have a good thing going on. The distance is killing you and you are longing for your live blanket, but just hang in there…your heartbeat is definitely worth waiting for.
Mostly ‘B’s – It is time to sit down and think long and hard about just where your relationship is going. You might now be ready to call it quits, but the signs are there, if it improves, good luck…but the writing is on the wall.
Mostly ‘C’ – Are you a masochist for punishment?! No need beating a dead horse, the relationship is non-existent, stop wasting your precious time…haven’t you gotten the memo? There are other fishes in the sea … move on!