It has long been established that misery loves company! Guess what? It’s true! If you broke up with someone and in a matter of months or a few years, you realize they are doing better than you in so many ways… guaranteed, you will not be bringing out the cheerleader costumes complete with pom poms, or cracking open a glass of champaign and declares ‘Yeah, cheers! I’m so happy for you!’ That is not how anyone feels about their ex – surely not at first. It may not be because you want them back (maybe sometimes), but you sure as heck don’t want them to be more successful than you are! So what do you do if your ex is doing better than you?
Before we go into what to do, let’s look at what their success looks like.
1. They have the job of their dreams and making millions!
You were watching the news one evening (something you don’t usually do), when all of a sudden you saw a headline about a millionaire giving his opinion on market shares and profit and loss for international companies. To your surprise, it was your low life ex who couldn’t hold a job not so long ago and you were the one who had to support his ‘brokeassedness’. Now all you can do is stand staring at the TV for the better part of five minutes in total disbelief.
Or you are sitting at your desk grappling for an idea for a story to give to your editor to at least make it on page 3 when your editor hands you a press release and tells you he has someone he wants you to interview ASAP before some other media house snatches him up. You started reading and saw your ex’s name but concludes it must be another person with a similar name. But then you decided to google the name with the title and low and behold your ex’s face pops up on your screen! A billionaire who has been building low-income houses for the inner city communities in third world countries. What the heck! Yet here you are making minimum wage that cannot cover your bills for the month and buy a good dinner for one night! So what do you do if your ex is doing financially better than you?
When your ex is more successful than you
2. He’s engaged to a hot babe!
As you read more about him you realize not only is he successful business-wise but he is seen with a curvaceous babe by his side – the daughter of a senator who has her own clothing line in Hollywood. Heck no! Yet here you are still trying to shed the 14.5 pounds you put on after the breakup and cursing him that he will regret leaving you. Then it dawned on you that breakups can indeed have a winner and a loser – in this case, you sure feel like the loser! and feel real stupid for it too! So now that makes you a stupid loser! Obviously, your ex has absolutely no reason to give you a second thought as he as moved on and met the love of his life! You cannot even humor yourself into thinking he could have done better. No pretending when the signs are staring right back at you. You have to admit she does look 10 times more gorgeous than you. So what do you do now that you realize he has got over you? Oh! and don’t forget you have to go interview him!
When your ex is engaged to a hot babe
3. He looks genuinely happy
And why wouldn’t he be genuinely happy? He has it all — fame, money, and a hot chick. He hasn’t put on a single pound from the last time you saw him and his smile lit up his eyes – no faking that! He is genuinely happy. Yet your friends still keep asking you to go out just to cheer you up, and you still haven’t got around to heading to the gym to remove that break up fat. In fact, your freezer still has a few tubs of your favorite praline and cream ice cream, along with the butterscotch ripple ice cream to complete the deal. You haven’t been out in almost 2 years and you feel you may never date again. On top of that, you have been deep down hoping he would come to his senses and come begging you to take him back. Now reality has hit and you know he is never coming back to that one room rented apartment you once shared. So what do you do if your ex is happier than you?
4. Your ex is traveling the world
Then you realize his job takes him around the world with his ‘beautiful body to die for’ eye candy by his side. Meanwhile, the furthest you ever went to leaving the country was the times you dropped your parents off at the airport for their trips to Jamaica, and when you picked them again. You always wanted to travel but never got around to doing it — blah! who are you kidding? You couldn’t afford to! You remember one of the things on your bucket list as a couple — to cover 10 countries in two years. So much for that! So what do you do when your ex is traveling the world and living your dream with someone else?
Your ex is travelling the world with someone else
Now that you have got the picture, let us look at what to do if your ex is doing better than you.
1. Be honest about his success
It will hit you hard at first. And for sure you will feel like crap! it may take a few days before you can get out of the state of disbelief enough to say yes, this is happening. It sucks and may even put you in a panic mode if you have dreamt of the two of you getting back together. So now, be honest with yourself about how his success makes you feel – angry? Annoyed? betrayed? hopeless? whatever it is, don’t hide from it, but in the same token do not allow his success to make you bitter.
2. Hold on to your self-esteem
After the breakup, it took you months to regain your self-esteem. You may not be there 100 percent as yet but you are getting there. Do not let the fact that he is doing better than you pull you back into a state of self-doubt and lack of confidence. Instead, use it to push yourself to get over the break-up. Tell yourself if he has moved on during that period then it is time to shake yourself off and push to be the best you in every way! Don’t begrudge his success, just tell yourself that the world is full of opportunities and you can also succeed in your field as you see best. Maybe after all this time, you needed a gentle push and this could very well be it. However, if you feel you need more time, take it.
3. Do not compete with your ex
Do not decide to do things to change your life drastically because you want to compete with your ex and show him that you can do it too. Whatever decision you make towards your success it should be because that is what you really want. Otherwise, you may find yourself in a state of depression when things don’t work as you planned and your ex continues to succeed. Remember, each person has their own gifts and their own talents. Focus on yours. Focus on what you have and not the things you don’t have.
4. Try not to compare your lives
This will be one of the most difficult things — in fact, the moment you hear of their success was the moment you started comparing their life to yours. Thus the reasons you realized you fell short. Right? OK. So now that you did a comparison, do not dwell on it. Don’t keep comparing and for sure do not throw yourself a pity party. This will only push you further down. Instead, find the positive to hold on to. Look at your successes no matter he simple. People’s healing process is different and he may have healed quicker. The fact that you can get out of bed each day and carry out your daily duties is success in and of itself. While your ex may have surpassed their dreams your aim now is to simply achieve yours. Whatever it is and as long as you continue to push, it will come. Because you have not yet lived your dream does not mean it will not happen.
Do not compare your life to your ex who is doing better than you
5. Do not start mourning the break-up all over again.
So it happened. You were together and then you broke up. Thousands of people worldwide break-up each day. That’s the sad fact, but thousands also move on. You have been in the stats of the break-up, so now you should endeavor to be in the stats of the move on. Do not start looking back and regretting the break-up and no matter what you do, DO NOT place yourself in his present girlfriend’s shoes and said that should have been you. No . it couldn’t, or it would have been. Your prince charming will be perfect for you when he comes along. In fact, no matter how gorgeous his new love is, you should know more than anyone else that it can’t all be a bed of roses since your ex is your ex for the very reasons he is.
6. Push yourself
As mentioned before, the positive in all this if you are still carrying the torch is to push yourself to start functioning fully at 100 percent cylinder again. Time to pursue your dreams, time to go out doing the things you love, time to start taking the best care of yourself, and certainly time to start feeling great about yourself. You may never have the financial success he does, but satisfaction in what you do and who you are is worth more than any amount of money. Because with that comes happiness.
7. Avoid the temptation to reach out to him.
Now that you know where he is and what he is doing, avoid the temptation to reach out. The fact that he has moved on means he is in a different place from where you may be, and it may not end well for you, especially if he has moved on with someone by his side. It is time for you to build your own world, as hard as it may seem. He did!
8. Get to the point of wishing the best for him
One way of rating your progress after finding out about all his success stories is to mentally wish him well. This is when you know you have not only got over the bitterness and pain of the break-up but that you too have moved on. You will know you are at this point when you see his face on TV and smile and say to yourself ‘I was with him first’ or when you can genuinely say ‘ you go, guy’. When you can wish him the best from your heart without any grudge or ill-feeling then you know you got this!