After a breakup, a number of persons are convinced that they were meant to be together and will purpose in their hearts that they will do just about any and everything to get their ex back. Not only that but they will do whatever it takes to keep them this time around. See How to Get Your Ex-Girlfriend Back and Keep Her! — Epic Guide! and How to Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back – A Step By Step Guide. So what do you do after you get back together with your ex? First:
Ensure You Really Want Your Ex Back
Before you spend time trying to get your ex back, ensure that they are actually worth the time and effort. What point is there in getting your ex back only to break up again? Sometimes it is best to let your ex go if they were never any good to you when you were together. If your ex was abusive, either physically and/ or emotionally, and had no respect for you as an individual and a partner, then don’t try to get them back thinking this time they will be different — even if they promised you faithfully in their quest to win you back! See Should I Take Back My Ex – One Woman’s Story.
First Ensure That You Really Want Your Ex Back
However, if you had an absolutely good relationship for the most part, and realized your life was better with them, then by all means do all in your power to get them back in your life and work to keep them there.
There is actually a very critical “window of opportunity”, to win your ex back, and fighting for them outside of this can result in disappointment, embarrassment, and hurt all over again.
This window of opportunity is dependent on the cause of the break-up. The suggested time is when you have healed.
In any breakup, you need time to heal to prevent you from getting back with your ex simply out of loneliness. This can put you at a disadvantage because you are vulnerable and will accept just about anything they want to dish out your way.
If the breakup is as a result of indiscretions on their part, before you make a move in taking them back, make sure you see signs of remorse and not just verbal apology. Lay low and observe them for a while without making any move to reconcile. Make no move until you see that change.
Look For Signs of Change In Your Ex Before Taking Them Back
After identifying that you have been healed of the hurt and that they are repentant, you can now make your move towards getting them back, consciously knowing that they are who you want to be with. But at what time this takes place will be dependent on how soon you heal.
Start with communication. Look at the cause of the break-up then discuss what went wrong and what can be done to not only avoid making similar mistakes but also to see how committed they are willing to be this time around.
Find out what they want and let them know what you want. The key is not to come on too strong and definitely not needy. No one likes ‘too needy. It’s a turn-off!
Once you have decided that you want to be together again, be their friend without being their sex partner. After you have established a firm friendship through spending time together, then you are well on your way to holding the position you want – as his lifelong partner.
What To Do After Getting Your Ex Back
So now that you have got your heart’s desire and is back together with the one who got away, what do you do now to ensure that they stay with you? Here are some steps to help you along…
1. Nice and Easy Does it every time!
So you already made up your mind that you want to be with your ex and have opened the lines of communication. Awesome! The next step in what to do to keep your ex this time around is to take things nice and slow. Do not be tempted to jump back where you left off simply because this is someone you already know. Remind yourself that if things were so perfect the first time around you would not have been exes, to begin with. Which means there is room for improvement in this new phase. Now is the time to take the opportunity to get to know each other all over again. Go on dates, spend a lot of time talking and appreciating the changes you both may have gone through during the breakup stage. But whatever you do, and no matter how tempted you both are — avoid jumping back into bed with each other right away. Remember, you are in it for the keeps this time around so spending the time getting to know each other can only work in both your favors.
Take is Nice and Slow After Getting Your Ex Back
2. Now that you have been spending time together, are you having doubts?
Having doubts creep in after you have started spending time with your ex is quite natural. Being with them may remind you of the negatives of the prior relationship and why you broke up. Thus the reason we recommended that you take it nice and easy and get to know each other all over again. When these doubts creep in sit and have a talk with them as to what you are feeling and why. Explain that you do not want a repeat of the past and be honest with what you really want moving forward. If they feel the same way you do, meaning they also want to give the relationship a second shot, they will be more than willing to compromise and alleviate your fears and concerns.
4. Share experiences of when you were apart — just not too much!
It is always good to share your inner feeling with the person you are with. Let them know how the breakup affected you. If you did not have closure from the breakup this is a good time to get that so you can move on without emotional burden and questions. Be honest and open about it, especially if they were the ones at fault. If you were the cause of the breakup, then be honest and sincere in your apology and reassurance of the lack of any such reoccurrence. If however, you were not the best you during the break and you felt the only way you could have dealt with the separation was to sleep with half of the town. Keep this information to yourself. There is a saying that ‘if every truth was to be made known, there would be no peace’. This may be a good time to practice this. This may only cause more hurt to your partner, especially if sleeping around was the reason for the breakup. However, if this is the case you may need professional help so that there is no repeat of this behavior. If you become pregnant or got someone pregnant during the breakup period you definitely need to reveal this information as soon as possible before moving forward together.
Share Experiences Of When You Were Apart After Getting Your Ex Back
4. Moving forward together
Now that you have discussed both your fears and concerns, decide together if you want to move forward as a couple and not just friends. This means you will now be putting all your other dates aside and making this person your sole priority. It means you will now decide that you are once again a couple and start doing things in this regard. It means you will discuss why you want to get back together. It also means you will be admitting that you are back together and making plans that affect you both. You will once again start thinking ‘us’ instead of ‘me’.
5. Deal with past issues.
You have now decided to move forward together and quite excited to do so! Congratulations! But to prevent past issues — especially those that may have lead to the breakup, from coming back to damage your now new relationship — spend time talking about them and dealing with them as best as possible. If you have identified that they may not be issues that you can work out on your own, it is again a good idea to employ the services of a counselor, pastor, or a psychologist to help you both work through it to prevent a repeat.
Deal With Past Issues After Getting Back Together With Your Ex
5. Rebuilding trust.
Trust is one of the biggest and hardest hurdles a couple has to encounter after a breakup. Despite the cause of the breakup, it usually damages trust. Once damaged, trust is never easy to be regain — if ever! However, you have to now spend time rebuilding that trust. If you were the one who damaged the trust you have to be extremely transparent in whatever you do, wherever you go, who you do it with when you do i, etc. Again, total transparency! Be willing to answer every question posed to you by your partner as they will also be seeking reasons to trust you again. Being open makes it much easier for them to do so. Getting upset and falling back into secrecy is the absolute last thing that you should do if you want them to trust you again.
6. Forgive!
Even as you open a new chapter in your relationship book, be prepared to forgive all sins and trespasses your ex may have committed against you — no matter what they are! If you are not willing to forgive then it is pointless getting back together as there will only be bitterness and anger between you. Those are not good grounds on which to rebuild a relationship. Forgiveness will help you to move past whatever they may have done to you. And while you may not forget the wrongs they did and will naturally be keeping your eyes open for any repeat, you should not live each day expecting those reoccurrences nor living in fear.
Forgive After Getting Back Together With Your Ex
7. Don’t keep bringing up the past!
Women even more so than men will take every opportunity to throw what their partner did back at them each time something goes wrong. This should not happen if you decided to get back together. Once you talk about all the wrongs done to you prior to starting afresh then this should eliminate the desire to keep bringing them up. Believe it or not, some men are genuinely repentive and ashamed of their past actions and would like nothing more than to take it all back and put it behind them. If you see signs of this, then constantly bringing up their past actions will not allow them to forgive themselves and move on into the better person than they are trying so desperately to be.
8. If something is bothering you – Talk about it!
While your relationship is not expected to be perfect, ensure that you talk to your partner about anything that you are not comfortable with as soon as it comes up. Harboring negative thoughts about them or the relationship will eventually destroy, you, your partner, and the relationship as things can easily be blown out of proportion and magnified more than they really are. Talking about it will help to give you the answer and the opportunity to move past it.
9. Do not hang the threat of leaving over their heads.
While your partner may have hurt you more than anyone else ever did, or turned against you when you need them the most, or may even have plot with others to your demise, the fact that you have decided to forgive and get back together with them means you also want the relationship. Though the breakup may have proven that you can live without them — but have chosen not to — do not threaten them each time they do something wrong that you will leave them again. This causes uncertainty in the relationship and while it may put your partner in an ‘I better get it right this time mode’, it may lead to tension and burden in the relationship instead of the joyful, relaxed refuge it was meant to be.
10. Be Yourself.
Be yourself. Do not change to suit your spouse out of desperation to make the relationship work this time around. Any change must take place before you actually get back together and because YOU saw the need to do so. Do not compromise your values and principles to satisfy your spouse in an effort to keep them. In other words, do not settle for anything less than you know you deserve. Otherwise, the relationship will become a burden and something you do not want to be apart of.
How to ensure you stay together once you get them back
Now that you are finally back together you realize that you cannot and do not wish to go through the heartache you went through when you were apart. Now that you are back together you realize that this is where you want to be for the rest of your life – together!
So what are some things that you can do to ensure you actually keep them there?
- Be ready to admit faults. You have a second chance to right what went wrong, make the best of it by admitting first to yourself, then to your partner when you know have done wrong. Be willing to admit and move on. Don’t allow your partner to get away with anything either. If you feel they are doing something that you don’t agree with, don’t just let it slip, let them know and work through it together.
- Give breathing space. Don’t become too clingy, give them space. Try to strike a balance between being independent and letting them know that they are number one in your life.
- Communicate Lots. Make it easy for your partner to talk to you about how they feel about you, the relationship, and just about everything that may come up. Lack of communication is the reason a lot of relationships fail, so don’t let it be the reason yours fail a second time.
- Propose. What better way to ensure you belong to someone and that someone belongs to you than to make that bold step of proposing and getting married for better or worse!
To Ensure You Stay Together – Propose
Real men give real reasons for what a woman can do to keep them!
There have been theories upon theories about what women can do to keep their men. But these unending advice which usually includes things like keeping him satisfied in bed; be the best cook you can, or being supportive of his dreams, usually comes from women. So what do the men themselves say?
Men Speak…
“How can a woman keep you with her forever?”
- Tony Walters, married nine years:
Communicate. I love knowing that I can reason with my partner. That I have someone I can share everything with and know that she will not use it back against me. I like knowing that when things go wrong at work I can rush home and she is waiting to listen to me complain about it without judgment.
2. Andrew Levan, in a relationship for 13 years:
Be spontaneous. Ensure that things don’t get boring and know what her man likes. She has to want to please him. Don’t fake it, because he will know.
3. Phil Thomas, in a relationship seven years:
She has to be a good money manager. And has a good business head. She had to be independent and communicate her feelings and accept me for who I am. That’s how a woman can keep me. Combine those with some good sex and she has me for life.
4. Dave Lloyd, married 10 years:
Don’t be a bore whether around the house or in the bedroom. And show interest in the things I’m interested in.
5. Alex Ali, married 17 years:
No not nag. I hate a nagging woman so I know other men hate it too. Make sure the home environment is stress-free. But that does not mean she will just bow to everything a man says because some men are bullies and want to rule their wife with a heavy hand. But compromise.
6. Romario McLeish, married 13 years:
Give him space,. Do your wifely duties — cook for him, clean for him, have sex when he wants to, and always show him respect.
7. Eric Ristanovic, in a relationship four years:
Be open-minded, be honest. Have sex with me a lot — when I want, where I want, and how I want.
8. Ken Soria, married seven years:
She doesn’t need to cook and wash clothes. I can get a helper for that. She just needs to give me sex! She doesn’t need to do anything more.
Each person’s reasons are different and so we encourage you to pose this question to your partner and listen to the answer. Only then will you be able to tell what will keep them with you forever!