It’s funny the many articles that have been written by women on how to keep a man committed to you, yet, majority of those articles are chock full of information from a woman’s point of view. Most of those ‘to-dos’ are not from regular everyday males that women are looking to actually commit to. As women, a number of times we assume we know what a man wants from us — and sometimes we do get it right — but sometimes it is so much easier to ask the men themselves and see what commitment looks like through their eyes.
It is this assumption on our part of thinking we know what will keep a man committed to us that has lead to many women jumping from one relationship to the next as the men either lose interest or has no desire to commit.
Even After Marriage a Number of Persons are Still not Committed to Each Other
And sometimes we keep asking what we did wrong and what we could have done differently. However, even after marriage a number of persons are unfortunately still not committed to their spouse. The rate of divorce and/or infidelity is a testament to this lack of commitment.
Here, yourlovebumps decided to pose the question to men to get it from their mouth what would keep them committed to you. Here are their responses:
What Would Keep Him Committed To You
1. Someone who has your back.
“I guess everyone’s story will be different,” 40-year-old David Lloyd said. “I don’t think it is one specific thing that will work for everyone. But for me, it is her ability to constantly reassure me that she has my back at all times no matter what.”
2. You have to be at a stage of maturity as an individual.
David noted that maturity played a big role in his decision to settle down and stay committed.
“In my younger days, no matter what a woman did I just wanted to be with more and more women. So even though I had a girlfriend I would be sleeping with other women at the same time and just running the road! But as I got older I realized it was a dead-end road. I realized that there is no better feeling than coming home to your family. Because no matter what you achieve if you don’t have that special someone to share it with then you will not be happy. Sometimes it’s something as simple as having an experience during the day that you want to share with someone. It feels good coming home to your partner.”
Men Will Stay Committed If You Have Their Backs
3. Satisfaction in the bedroom and good home cook meals.
Anthony O’Neil, 48, says being open to adventures in the bedroom, or what he termed freakiness, good food, and affection are some of the things that would keep him committed to a woman.
“Being freaky in the bedroom and having her be open with certain things is one of the things that would keep me committed,” he said. “If you are sexually satisfied at home then you have no need to look elsewhere. She also has to show affection to me because I love that. I am an affectionate person so I would commit to a woman who is the same,” he said.
“They say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. For me, that is true. If she can provide good home cook meals that’s another reason I would commit.”
Men Will Stay Committed if You Prepare Home Cook Meals
4. Someone who appreciates him.
Anthony says if a woman tells and shows him that she appreciates him and appreciates his efforts of caring for her and the family, while also telling him every now and then that she loves him, then this would keep him committed. While a woman will do things to show she cares and that she loves him, he says hearing her put it into words every now and then goes a long way. This way he does not have to assume.
5. Spending time together.
For Anthony, doing things together and spending time together is another attribute that would keep him committed. He said this would allow them to grow closer to each other to the point where they would have no need to crave the attention of others.
Men Will Stay Committed if You Show That You Appreciate Them
6. Secure job and a decent sex life.
Forty-Eight-year-old Herve, from the Ivory Coast, says a secure job and a decent sex life are what would do it for him.
“Honestly, a secure job and a ‘decent’ sex life,” Herve said. “I wouldn’t leave a woman because she loses her job, but I probably wouldn’t commit to someone who doesn’t have one — and who refuses to do something — I don’t care what it is.”
7. Attraction, Ambition, and Good Communication
23-year old Akeem Whyte says it starts with the physical and ends with the personality.
“Everything starts out physical. You cannot just look at someone and the first thing you see is ambition. The first thing you will see is the physical so it starts with that and then when you get to know her you are attracted to her ambition and her mindset. It’s also very important to me that you can have good communication. I couldn’t commit to someone that I cannot have a good conversation with or someone that is stubborn and set in their ways. You have to be able to communicate well.”
Attraction, Ambition, and Good Communication will Make Men Stay Committed
8. The right chemistry
Jaye Myrie, 38, says having the right chemistry is what would make him commit.
“Once the chemistry remains intact and there is respect both ways, then there is a great chance I would commit to her.
9. Having the right balance of Maturity, intellect, and a good personality
“Having the right balance of maturity, intellect and a good personality are what would make me commit,” Benjamin Smart, another interviewee said. “And by good personality, I mean kind, compassionate, understanding, mentally strong, independent, and humble. If she is like that then for sure I would commit to her.”
Having the Right Chemistry Will Make Him Stay Committed to You
10. Someone you can confide in
“If I find a woman that I can confide in, someone I can talk to about sensitive matters then that is one reason I would commit,” 29-year-old Kaleb Sanchez says. “That, along with if she is caring and considerate of my needs and feelings then for sure she would be the one.”
11. The man has to have self-discipline
For Ken Ifidon, A 50-year- old Nigerian living in Canada, commitment is about discipline on the side of the man.
“It is very simple. Self-discipline. The truth is that no matter what a woman does, no matter the awesome figure she possesses if the guy is not self-disciplined, he won’t be committed.
If He Can Confide In You He Will Stay Committed To You
12. Good Sex and Compatibility
“When I was younger I would commit if the sex was good and we were getting along,” 56-year-old Vaughn Harris said. “But the way I think now and the way I thought then is different. I think mentally and emotionally I was committed in that way with my ex and my current wife. Then they got pregnant and it was a no brainer,” he explained. “Now that I am older sex is still important to me — but being compatible in other ways is also important. If the person is a professional, entrepreneurial in their thinking, think positively, they are supportive, fun-loving, easy-going versus a party animal, mature in their thinking, then those works. In general, I think depending on the man he is going to be looking at those qualities as well.”
Good Sex and Compatibility Will Keep Him Committed
Reasons He Will Not Commit To You
While the men have spoken and told you what works for them, like David rightly pointed out, everyone is different and so the reason they commit will vary from person to person. Just as much the reasons he will NOT commit to you will also vary from person to person. However, here are some pointers that were also provided by men.
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Talk to your partner.
You first need to know the person you are dealing with and what works for them. Ask questions like what they like in a woman, what turns them off from a woman, how they want you to behave in the bedroom, what turns them on, etc. This will give you a clear idea of what he wants and what you can do if you want to stay committed to that person.
“Everyone is different so what works for one person will not work for the other,” David said.
Men Will Not Commit To You For Different Reasons
2. Don’t be boring
“I don’t know of any man who loves boring when it comes to their woman. We like a woman to be spontaneous and be the initiator some of the time. Plan trips, come up with ideas of something you know I will enjoy, and surprise me. And for heaven’s sake don’t be boring in the bedroom!” one of the men said.
3. Don’t live on take-out!
“Feed a man and you can keep a man. Don’t live on take-outs. Men love to know their woman can cook, and cook some good meals too. So if you want him, feed him. If you don’t want him then you can live on take-out. For me that’s annoying. Take-out every now and then is good, nothing is wrong with that. But if you order in more than you cook then something is wrong. Not only is that not good for you healthwise but it breaks the pocket!” another of the men said.
He Will Not Commit If You Are Boring
4. He’s just using you to pass the time
“Women already know that a lot of men are users. Because he is living with you does not mean a thing, Kaleb warned. “Sometimes he will live with you and still be playing the field looking for the ‘right’ person to come along. Sometimes he likes knowing his clothes are taken care of, that his meals are prepared and he has someone he can sleep with whenever he wants. But when it comes to the commitment he is still emotionally not there,” he said. “You are not the person he sees himself with for the rest of his life and so he is just using you. Unfortunately, if you live with a man it is hard to tell that he is not emotionally committed to you. But there are still signs, like the level of respect he shows you, if he plans his future with you in it, if he comes home at a reasonable time, if he isn’t sleeping around, and stuff like that. But the reality is that sometimes he is just using you to fill the gap until he finds that one person he is looking for.”
He Will Not commit If He is Only Using You to Pass Time
5. You are not his type
“If you are not his type no matter what you do and how you do it he will not commit,” Lester Gentles, another man interviewed noted. “No matter how much you love him and shower him with all sorts of gifts he will still not commit to you. And even if you buy his commitment by giving him every material thing he could ever want, he would still not commit, and it will only be a matter of time before he leaves. If a man is not into you, he is just not into you,” he said. See Signs He Is No Longer Into You — Telltale Signs!
6. A nagging woman
Ken Ifidon pointed out that a nagging woman is a reason he would not commit to a woman.
“On the flip side, it will be difficult to commit to a woman that nags even if I have self-discipline.”
So women be warned, the very Bible speaks against this — “Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife. (Proverbs 21:19).
