It is no surprise that men, after a break-up, will pine over ways of how they can get their ex back even while publicly announcing to their friends and anyone that will listen that she was the worst thing that ever happened to him and that he was glad to be rid of her. Usually, this is to cover his own bruised ego – whether they are the cause of the break-up or not. But no matter how tough they appear on the outside and in public if truth be told men hurt just as much as women do and will check out her WhatsApp status each night before going to bed while trying to devise ways on how he can win her back.
What to do if she has started dating another guy
If she has started dating someone else the situation can be tricky. She could be dating someone else just to pass time; to make you jealous; or because that is the reason why she ended your relationship in the first place. If the first two reasons are true, the chances of you getting her back are great. For the latter, not so much – and may require more intricate planning and praying!
So, what you need to do is to first find out whether or not she is serious about this other person. However, do not give her the impression that you are willing to get involved with her while she is dating another man. If you make this mistake, she may not be willing to let go of either of you and ultimately you will become the sideman or even the good friend that she turns to only when she is in need.
But how do you know whether or not she is serious about the other man? If she is involved with him and still shows interest in you, then chances are the other man is just a show. A woman who is in love and who is committed, especially in a new relationship has eyes for no one else. Usually, women take longer to get over a relationship than men do – especially if her heart was involved, in which case it will take time to heal before she starts afresh.
How to Get Your Ex-Girlfriend Back
Do NOT do these if you want to win her back:
Before we get into how to win her back, here are some things NOT to do while you go after her:
- Don’t call or visit her work in an attempt to discredit her.
If she calls it quits with you, then don’t invade her workspace by calling or going there to talk about the issue. She is there to work and the last thing she will want to deal with is having to go over any problems with you, especially as her co-workers surround her. Calling Human Resource or her boss to let them know how awful she is in an attempt to discredit her is a complete no! That will only see her co-workers encouraging her not to give you a second chance as you are spiteful and not deserving of her.
- Do not harass her with text and phone calls.
Sending text messages and calling incessantly doesn’t cut it. Give her room to breathe and to miss you. No amount of phone calls or text messages is going to change her mind if she is bent on not getting back with you. And even though women love attention and affection, she hates clingy. In fact, she will just see it as another reason why breaking off with you was the best thing she ever did, don’t let her think you are a psychopath who can’t let go. And no matter how desperate you feel don’t WhatsApp her endlessly with details about how much the break-up is affecting you and how you would do anything to have her back. Definitely don’t play the card of ‘if I can’t have you no one will’!
- Don’t visit her at weird hours.
No matter how hard it is – and it will be hard, try not to give in to the desire to go visit her after going out to drink at 2:00 am. If it’s a must that you have to cross each other’s paths, then be cool and pretend as if everything is just dandy with you.
- Don’t slander and try to discredit her with your friends and hers.
Even though women handle break-ups a lot differently than men as they are more emotional, she too does not like the drama. Lay off the melodramatics and handle the break-up with grace and dignity. You will score a whole lot more points this way. Also, don’t go slandering her with your friends or her friends as this will not gain you any points – even if the reason you broke up was that you caught her cheating!
- Don’t try to make her jealous.
What makes you think you can win her back by prancing around with the next girl that crosses your path or even her best friend? This will only hurt her more. So instead of getting her to take another look at you getting cozy with someone else, it might just convince her she was right to let you go, based on how quickly you ‘got’ someone new. She may even feel you didn’t care for her that much in the first place. Rule of thumb, what you don’t like for yourself, do not do it to her.
How to win your ex-girlfriend back:
How to win her back…
- Give her time to heal / you take time to heal. If you are the one at fault give her time to heal and to come to terms with your breaking of trust. She may want to ask you a number of questions about it to get closure and to remove any self-blame. Be open and patient to her 101 questions. It’s the least you can do, no matter how it makes you feel.
- Forgive her before you approach her. If she was the one at fault, make sure you forgive her before you approach her. When you do, be calm. Find out why she did what she did and what she wants moving forward. If she wants to move on without you… let her go, as she may repeat the same thing. If she wants to get back with you let her know that you have forgiven her and is willing to try again but need to be certain of her values.
- Take it slow/ be friends. We know you are both excited to get back together, but for the sake of building a more lasting relationship, take it slow. Spend time getting to know each other as though you are courting for the first time. Explore each other’s likes and dislikes and spend a lot of time having fun and outside of the bedroom. You do not want your relationship to be based on just the physical.
- Rebuild trust. If you were the one at fault, ensure that you rebuild her trust in you. Be totally open and honest about your whereabouts and actions. Do not leave room for questions. If she was at fault, request the same openness and honesty from her. It takes time and effort to rebuild trust.
- Do not nag. Do not nag about what she did in the past but enter the relationship as if you are starting afresh.
How to keep her:
So, things are finally looking up. She has reached out to you and you are making plans to become serious again. Know that things are still delicate, and you need to work on some things to ensure that the relationship lasts this time around.
- Don’t let ego get in the way. Be ready to admit faults. You get a second chance to right what went wrong, don’t mess it up. When you know you have done wrong, be willing to admit it and move on. Don’t allow her to get away with anything either. If you feel she is doing something that you don’t agree with, don’t just let it slip, let her know.
- Give her space. Don’t become too clingy, give her space, despite the fact that she may have eroded your trust in the past. Try to strike a balance between giving her some independence and letting her know that it will take time to grow the relationship. Don’t let her feel you are breathing down her neck and constantly watching her.
- Communicate lots. Make it very easy for her to talk to you about how she feels about you and your relationship. Lack of communication is the reason why a lot of relationships fail, so don’t let it be the reason yours fail a second time.
- Avoid relationship killers. Avoid people who constantly remind you of how your relationship failed in the past and how it will fail again. Surround yourself with positive people who are happy for you.
It has been said that hell hath no fury like a woman scorned and when your girlfriend leaves you and says the relationship will happen when “hell freezes over!” you know it is highly unlikely that it can be revived. Or can it? After all, a woman has been known to change her mind…take our quiz and see if there is any possibility of you mending fences.
Since you broke up with her she has …
a. Been hanging out with her girlfriends more
b. Started dating someone else
c. Spending more time at work
Your birthday came and she …
a. Wished you a happy birthday on Facebook
b. Totally ignores it
c. Give you a call just to wish you a happy birthday, but hangs up quickly right after
Is this your first major fight in the relationship?
a. Minor disagreements
b. No
c. Yes
When you reach out to her on Whatsapp she …
a. Reads but doesn’t respond
b. You discover your number is blocked
c. She politely responds
After weeks she finally tells you…
a. She asks how you are
b. You should stop trying to communicate with her, she is getting annoyed
c. Seems receptive to a conversation
You send her an apology and pleads for another chance, she…
a. Tells you she will think about it
b. Tells you there is no point to it
c. Welcomes the chance to talk
Score:
Mostly ‘A’s – Don’t give up just yet, there is a slight chance that you can get your girl back. There are signs that whatever the issue was, she is slowing putting it behind her. It may be hard, but hang in there, you might find out that it is worth it.
Mostly ‘B’s – We feel for you dude, there is no rekindling this flame. Save yourself the heartache and move on. It is hard, but it’s better to face reality and start the healing process…you might get lucky in love once more.
Mostly ‘C’ – You can start breaking out in the song, “baby you’re all that I want when I’m lying here in your arms,” cause she is still soft on you and definitely wants you back where you belong – by her side. Don’t mess it up again, you might not be so lucky next time!
Please note: While this quiz is a very good indicator of what your next step can be, the key is to follow your heart!