So, It has been months since you broke up with your ex. Now you are beginning to feel that there is no hope for you because during all this time he has not made any move to contact you. In fact, the last time you saw or spoke to him was when he told you it was over. Now months have gone by and you have had time to heal and time to think about what you really want – and what you really want is him! So how do you get your ex-boyfriend back after months of being apart?
Before we get into how to get him back, let’s look at IF you really want him back. Check these signs to confirm if you need to go after your man after so many months have passed.
Signs you still want your ex-boyfriend back after months have passed
◊ You still think about him – A lot!
It’s been months, and really and truly you should be getting over all the yearning to have him back in your life. But instead, you can hardly go five minutes without him creeping into your thoughts. Not only that, but everything you see or hear reminds you of him. If this is you, then you are not over him and you may want to take that step now in trying to get him back.
◊ Wake up crying.
You still wake up in the middle of the night crying and regretting the breakup. You are tormented by the images of the two of you together and even have restless dreams of falling over a cliff because he is with someone else. Yes, you are ready to take him back!
After months of breaking up, you still wake up crying
◊ You tried dating.
After months of not hearing from him, you tried dating someone else as you felt he must have moved on with his life and you should too. In fact, you didn’t want to, but your family and friends convinced you it was unhealthy to be dwelling on your ex and that it was time you started putting yourself back out there. The only problem was that when you finally did you couldn’t help yourself from comparing them to your ex – they lost the comparison! They were not him!
◊ Every time your phone rings your heart skips a beat.
After months you still find yourself doing what you started doing a day after you broke up, reaching for your phone whenever it rings while your heart does an excited flip hoping it’s him.
◊ Every time your phone rings and it’s not him you die a little inside.
So your heart skips a beat hoping it will be him each time your phone rings or a message comes in. You want it to be him finally reaching out to you to say how much he wants you back and cannot live without you – or even just to say ‘Hi’. But when you check your phone and see that the call or text was not from him you die a little inside and have to catch yourself to have a civil conversation with the person on the other end so they won’t think you are rude based on your disappointing tone. After so long and you haven’t accepted that he is not going to text or call then for sure you want your man back and its time to go get him.
Waiting for him to text /call months after the breaking up
So, how do you get an ex-boyfriend back after months have passed?
Remember there is a window of opportunity during which time you can get your ex back, see How to Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back – A Step By Step Guide. And now that months have passed, here is what you do:
› Break the no contact period. Text him — Fortunately for you, you did not delete all his contacts from your phone in anger – or did you? Well, now you have to find a mutual friend and get his number back because you are ready to take the next step. The step of texting! If you still have his number then hurray!
› Have light conversations — So now that you have decided to text you need to keep the first conversation limited. Just ‘Hey. How are you?’. His response or lack thereof will determine if he wants to talk to you or not. If he doesn’t respond right away give it time. He may genuinely be doing something and cannot get to his phone right away. Be prepared, however, for the question “who is this?”… He may have deleted you from his contacts too! (sad face). Do not delve into an argument on why he deleted you and where he should go jump! Stay calm, remember you two became ex for a reason and he could have been trying to stop himself from reaching out to you for fear of hurting you further. Now that we cleared that up, let’s move on… do not delve into how you miss him and how you want him back and that you tried all these months but you cannot live without him. This may all be true, and honesty is the best policy – but not in this instance. Keep that to yourself. You will have lots of time to let him know all this when you are back together and stronger for it. Do not talk about the past and what you did wrong – and definitely not what HE did wrong. You may never get a response from your text and may send him running away pronto, blocking your number in the process.
› Feel him out gently — When he does respond, he may not sound too keen on responding to you and may do so in short syllables. That’s ok, he is feeling you out too and waiting to see where you are going with the conversation. So keep it light and don’t prolong the texting – unless he is so glad to hear from you he cannot control himself! Even then cut it short and ask if you can text him again soon as you have to run. That should keep him yearning for more. Ask questions about his job, about his car, things that you know he had an interest in. Do not touch on his new status or who he is dating now.
Give your ex a call after months of breaking up
› Communicate via phone call — After a few days … maybe a week of communicating via text you have graduated to a single phone call. So give him a call, tell him you haven’t heard his voice in a while, and just decided to call / or tell him you couldn’t bother with all the texting and just wanted to call instead. Again, keep the conversation light – ask what he has been doing with himself these past months, talk about mutual friends, talk about things you know you were both interested in – movies, games, the dog. Make jokes about things you both found funny in the past. Laugh about them. Then ask if he wants to hang out over lunch or something (give a date – don’t give him the option to call and arrange it as he may not and this may disappoint and hurt you. You are the one pursuing him so take charge of the situation).
› On the date — Now that he has said yes and you are out at a nice hangout spot having lunch or drinks, still keep the conversation light at the start and then gently roll into what you are after without him suspecting you are out to snare him. He may even bring up something from the past that will open up a doorway and you can grasp the opportunity to apologize for the relationship not working out. If he says he is seeing someone, hide your hurt and disappointment. The fact that he accepted your invite means he is open to going further with you. Now you have to show him why it is worth choosing you over her. Don’t get mad, stick to making light of the situation, and let him remember how charming you are. He may ask you for another date. If not tell him you would love to do this again soon as you enjoyed the time out.
› Unless he brings up the past do not go there — If he doesn’t seem keen on bringing up the past and what happened to tear you apart, do not venture down that road. Remember the aim is to move forward and to build something stronger than what you had before so you won’t have to endure another breakup. Both of you would have had time to reflect on what went wrong. He may be anxious to apologize – depending on the cause of the breakup. Or he may be anxious to forgive you but wants to move forward with caution. Either way, let him lead. As mentioned before however, if you were the reason for the breakup – apologize. But do not launch into how you want a second chance and you won’t do it again. Let time and your actions speak for themselves.
› Dress to kill — Did I mention that the first time he will be seeing you in months you should dress to kill? Well here goes – make certain you knock him dead with your appearance! Let him look at you and wonder what the heck he did. Remember, men are turned on by what they see first and foremost. Anything else comes after, or not at all! Therefore, wow him on your date. He should keep staring at you and keep telling you how gorgeous you look. This in itself will make him want to see you again and that night instead of thinking about his months’ old love, he will surely be thinking of you. You may just get a phone call or text that very night!
Dress to kill on your first date back with him after the breakup
› Moving forward — So now that you are communicating and you have met and spoken, the hard part is out of the way – bridging the gap. Now it’s time to move forward. Continue sending him a text or two every other day. Give it some time in between and allow him to reach out to you. This will truly give you an idea of whether or not he wants to move forward. No matter what, make sure you do not nag about the past and remind him of things he did that annoyed you so much. Keep all conversations as pleasant as possible and really seek to know him all over again. As mentioned before, you both may have changed over the months in between.
› Getting back together — So now that you have been spending more time communicating and you both decided to give it a second shot, you now have to face the hurdles you encountered before that caused the breakup in the first place. Before you become intimate all over again, spend the time looking at where you both went wrong and what you may or may not need to do differently. If he had got involved with someone else during the break up he needs to decide what he wants – you or her. Under no circumstance should you settle for him if he is not willing to give up his new sweetheart. If you need counseling to help you to move on, go for it!
› Men will treat you the way you allow them to treat you — Men are like kids, they will test you to see what they can and cannot get away with. They will treat you the way you allow them to treat you. Therefore, now that you have both decided to give it a second shot, do not let desperation allow you to settle for just about anything he wants to offer. Do not settle to being second to another woman he may have started dating with the promise that he will break it off. News flash! He never will. If he intends to do it he would do it now before you two get back together. Otherwise, he will take your willingness to be with him while he is with someone else as a clear go-ahead to have his cake and eat it at the same time. Sit and discuss what will and what will not work in your newfound relationship and ask him what his plans are for the two of you moving forward. Again, do not settle.