When it comes to relationships we all have the ideal person in mind that we would like to be with. And while everyone else may think someone is right for you, at the end of the day it is who you are attracted to and who tickles your fancy that counts. Thus the reason some people are put into the friend zone — you are just not into them like that! So while they maybe some of the most wonderful people ever, they are just not your type of wonderful. And instead of flatly refusing to have nothing to do with them, it is in everyone’s best interest to place them in that zone.
The friend zone is simply two people not being romantically compatible with each other. Thus a situation in which a friendship exists between the two, but one has an unreciprocated romantic or sexual interest in the other. In other words, one person will acknowledge that they just want to be friends, and the other person accepting their fate.
You Can Get Out Of the Friend Zone
Most people would know what that feels like — to either be put in the friend zone or to put someone in that zone. Usually, this is very disheartening for the one who has been friend-zoned, because all you ever wanted was to express your undying love and loyalty, hold them in your arms, ride away into the sunset, and live happily ever after! So is the friend zone something you can get out of so you can actually occupy the space in their heart that you really want?
Reasons you may be in the friend zone
1. You grew up together
Sometimes two people grew up together and have been friends all their lives and one day one of them woke up and realize that wait… something is wrong with this picture, not only are they my best friend and we have everything in common but I’m so in love with them! Only, I cannot let them know because we are best friends and I don’t want them to stop talking to me because of how I feel. Without being discussed you were automatically put into the friend zone. If you want to change this read What To Do When You Are In Love With Your Best Friend — Pros And Cons!
You May Be in the Friend Zone because they like talking and joking with you
2. They like talking and joking with you but is not attracted to you otherwise
You are the funniest person in their world and you are always making them laugh. They have made it clear time and again how much they love being around you. Only they never made any move nor showed any interest in you outside of being friends, only you have been carrying the flames for them for as long as you can remember. You are definitely in the friend zone.
3. You took too long to make that move and lost your chance
So you have been attracted to them for as long as you can remember but could not bring yourself to let them know. Somewhere along the line they have been in a few relationships and sought your advice on what to do when things went wrong. All this time you just wanted to hold them close and never let go. But you realize that all they see you as is a good friend that they can turn to at any time. Now you feel that they will not see you as anything else.
4. They may not be ready for an intimate relationship
You want more than to just be friends. In fact, you have braved it out and told them this. But they have made it clear that they are not ready for anything more than just friendship — neither with you or anyone else. They are just not ready for that sort of commitment. This may not be about you and could very well be true, and since you are friends this is something you would be aware of. Now there is nothing you can do but respect their decision while waiting to see if and when they would be ready, and if they will choose you. Heck! at least you are in the race!
You Are In The Friend Zone Because they May Not be Sexually Attracted To You
5. They are not sexually attracted to you
Relationships take both emotional as well as sexual attraction to make it work. If your friend finds you physically attractive but not sexually attractive then this is why you are in the friend zone, but be assured there are ways to make yourself sexually appealing and shift the focus from just being their friend to being their partner.
6. You are the opposite of their idea of a partner
Like I said before, someone has to be attracted to you, both physically and emotionally to be able to have that connection to make you that one person that they want to spend all their time with. While you may both have so many things in common, unfortunately, that person’s idea of what their mate should be may not be you. Some people want to settle down with a Christian with strong values and morals while you may be the drinking, vaping, partying type – quite the opposite. Or they may want someone over 5′ 8″ while you are a 5′ 1″. So you could just be unfortunate enough to be on the opposite end of their attraction but a really wonderful person that they see the value in having around as a friend.
7. You may not challenge them mentally
Some persons thrive on challenges and so their desire is to be with someone who challenges them mentally to think outside the box and be their best selves. Someone who will support their weird ideas and moods. You may be the safe person that they turn to when they need some amount of stability. Unfortunately, this pushes you in their friend zone as they do not see the qualities in you that they are looking for in a relationship.
How to get out of the friend zone
- Disappear from their life and come back brand new
If you automatically became pushed into the friend zone because you grew up together or went to primary school together as kids, then they may only see you as that brother or sister to look out for and certainly not get involved with. So if you find that you want more than just friendship, do the unthinkable — disappear from their life for a while and come back looking new and less available. Apply the same rule as you would for no contact. See Will He Miss Me If I Leave Him Alone? — The Cold Truth!. So have no contact for a while so that they will (1) realize how much they miss you and (2) see you in a new light when you finally surface. You could disappear for a few weeks or a month and during that time follow step 2 below.
Get Out Of the Friend Zone By Switching Up Your Appearance
2. Switch up your usual appearance
While you are keeping away, try to make as little contact with them as possible and give out as little information as necessary. During this time, take the opportunity to do a makeover, change your wardrobe, try going for something outside the box but one that you know they would be attracted to. Go to the gym and enhance your muscles or curves — depending on if you are a guy or girl. Change your hair, whatever you are comfortable with, as long as at the end of the day you look dashingly attractive and brand new!
3. Make subtle advances
Feel them out to have an idea of how they would react if they know you were into them as more than just friends. So ask them out on a date to the movies. When you are asking, use the word ‘date’ so they are clear that it’s just you and them. If they laugh in your face then you know they intend to keep you in the friend zone and you will need to disappear and come back as a new and improved you (as stated in step 1 above). If they agree then you know you stand a chance.
Get Out Of The Friend Zone By Making Subtle Advances
Also, compliment them on some of their best features without sounding sexual. Compliment them on their hair, their muscles, their smile, their eyes. This will let them see that you are truly paying attention to them and begin to wonder what it might be like if you were not just friends. They may want to ease you out of the friend zone without you having to do anything else.
4. Approach them boldly and let them know how you feel
Maybe you have been wanting to tell them how you feel for a long time and were afraid to ruin your friendship. Who knows — maybe they felt the very same and had the same concerns you do. The only way to find out is to take the bull by the horn! So during one of those coffee stops or burger sharing, have that conversation. Tell them how you feel. Again, you will never know unless you try.
5. Learn what type of person they are attracted to and see if you are that type.
This does not mean changing into someone you are not, if you try to do so the real you will come back out at some point. But do some introspection. You may be surprised to find that you have the qualities they are looking for in a partner and have had them all along. They may be into someone who is focussed and committed to whatever task they chose, or they may be into someone who is easy going and finds the humor in everything, so find out what they want in a partner and see if you are that person. The fact that you are already friends means you have an upper hand in winning their hearts. The next step is to let them see this part of you.
Get Out Of the Friend Zone By Letting Them Know How You Feel
Avoiding the friend zone
If you just met someone that you are attracted to and interested in getting to know more than just friends, then the best thing to do is make this known from the onset. Do not allow yourself to fall into the friend zone category as some persons never get out of there. As a result, make your intentions clear soon after meeting them. Tell them how you feel and start the dating process if they are willing.
If you have already been friends for some time now but have developed deep feelings to the point where you cannot stop thinking about them, then it is also best to let them know as soon as possible. Delay they say is danger, in this case, it could very well be true. The longer you wait the more it will hurt if they decide you are not their type, or someone else my fill that position while you were hesitating, or your window of opportunity can pass you by.
So identify where you fall in their life as soon as possible and work on letting them know how you feel. If you are already in that dreaded friend zone, work on getting yourself out, fast!