Kayla was nine months into her relationship before she finally clued in that her boyfriend was still hung up on his ex and was hoping that they would get back together someday.
“When I found out he was still in love with his ex I was very hurt,” Kayla said. “I knew they had broken up shortly before we met but he seemed fine and was quite happy with us. He would talk about her lots, but I figured I had to accept that as she was a part of his life up to the point when we met so it would have been unfair to ask him to give her up completely. To be honest, I never really thought much about it as he had told me how they had broken up and for sure I felt they wouldn’t be getting back together,” she said. “He had literally caught her cheating with someone else.”
Kayla said based on what he had told her, for months after the breakup they had not been in touch and he had made it clear he wanted nothing to do with her. Even his family had encouraged him to move on with his life as she was no good for him. Then nine months into their relationship she found out that he had actually taken his ex to his dad’s 65th birthday party after lying to Kayla that he felt it was too soon for her to meet his parents. That’s when she knew it was not over between them.
However, if you are in a new relationship there are signs to look out for to confirm whether or not your new guy still has the hots for his ex. There are always signs, no matter how subtle that you can look for before committing fully.
So what are some of the telltale signs that your man is not over his ex?
There are signs to tell that your guy is not over his ex
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She is all he talks about
He talks about her all the time. Not just how she is a witch who ruined his life, but that she made the best potato pudding ever! In other words, it doesn’t matter if he speaks ill of her or has the best things to say about her, either way, she is foremost in his thoughts if he speaks of her on a regular basis. People will always talk about those they’re thinking of. And if he thinks of her, he still has feelings for her. If he still has feelings for her he would get back with her if given the chance — no matter what she did to him.
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He is always on her Facebook and Twitter accounts
If he’s frequently visiting her social media accounts – and even liking her hot pics, then he’s definitely not over her. To make matters worse is if he leaves comments on how great she looks with a smiley face and a heart, then no matter what excuses he gives for his actions beware — you are just filling the time until she decides to reel him back in!
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He gets nervous and edgy when he runs into her
So now you have decided to go out with him and enjoying a nice walk in the mall. Suddenly you run into his ex and instead of saying hi and maybe introducing you, he quickly lets go of your hand and gets nervous and flustered while looking all awkward and sheepish as if he just got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. He didn’t even bother to introduce you. Honey, he still has the hots for her. And she knows it too!
He’s not over his ex if he gets nervous when he sees her
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He gets angry when he learns she is dating again
Even though he is now with you, news of his ex dating someone else makes him very angry. So much so that he tells you that this other guy is no good for her and he doesn’t know what she thinks she is doing. Really? Why is he so concerned about who she dates? Could it be he is jealous of his ex because he wants her for himself? Yes! Obviously, if he was over her this would not be a problem to him one way or another. Especially since he is dating you!
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He still has her text and pictures on his phone
If he is over his ex there is no way he should still be having so many pictures of her on his phone. Not to mention all the text messages she ever sent him over the years they dated. But not only does he have her texts and pictures but ever so often you catch him reading them and looking at her pictures with a wide smile on his face. In his defense, he tells you that it means nothing and that he just didn’t remember to delete them — each time you bring it up! He obviously has no intention of getting rid of them as he is still very hung up on her. It also means he still finds comfort in her, not you!
He’s not over his ex when her face is still his screensaver
6. Her face is his screensaver
After months of breaking up with her and getting hitched with you, he still sees nothing wrong with having her picture as his screen saver and on his WhatsApp profile display. In fact, he doesn’t get it when you explain that this is not normal and that it hurts you since you are now together. Instead, he argues that you knew he was with her and so it shouldn’t be such a big deal and that he will change it when he is ready. Girl, you may be together physically but you sure are not together emotionally – and it is obvious who is!
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He leaves you hanging to do her bidding
So many times you are just hanging out together watching a movie or walking in the park or just talking about that job interview coming up, when a text comes in and his face lights up as he apologizes and tells you he has to run as his ex needs help taking some grocery out her car, or a lift to the pharmacy, or for him to pick up food at Wendy’s … you get the idea! Well, it is obvious who comes first — and it ain’t you!
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He is still very involved in his ex’s kids life
They are no longer together, and he is a very kind-hearted guy — we get that, but he ain’t their dad, yet he has a set weekly schedule when he will go over to spend time at his ex’s place to help with their homework, or take them to baseball practice or out for their favorite treats. And he tells you he feels bad for her kids as they all got along so well. Yet, he never invested the time or energy in even getting to know your kids though you have been together for over a year. He is not over his ex nor the life she offered.
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His family still considers his ex a part of them
He is no longer with her — allegedly — yet he cannot have a family gathering and she is not present. In fact, he never takes you to any family event and you only met one of his brothers by chance at the grocery store. He makes it clear his family still thinks he is with his ex and in order to avoid the 21 questions from them he just plays along… hmmm, where does that leave you? Out of the family photo. Obviously, he is still holding on to his ex.
In fact, it may be a situation where he is just using you to fill the gap between the breakup and when he gets her back. So if he is not over his ex does he really love you? Should you ask him this question, chances are he will quickly admit that of course, he does, yet his actions do not reflect this and we all know that action speaks louder than words.
So if he is not over his ex does he really love you? Here are some signs that your darling is really not in love with you – despite what he says:
He does not love you if he does not give you his attention
* He does not give you his time and attention:
If someone loves you they will want to spend every waking moment with you and then some. When they are not able to for natural reasons they can’t help missing you. However, showing attention doesn’t necessarily mean he loves you even though with love comes attention. This is because there are people who will manipulate you with attention though they are not in love. But the fact of the matter is if there is no attention, there is no love.
* He only wants to please himself:
Everything is about him and his needs. He does not care how you feel or what your needs are. In fact, even in the bedroom, he wants you to grant his every wish without asking what he can do to please you. When you expressed what would make you happy he totally ignores it as if you never uttered a word. When he has reached his peak he rolls over with a satisfied grin while you are left wondering what the big O feels like.
* He puts his ex’s needs above your own:
Though you keep telling him that running off to his ex each time she calls makes you unhappy and you feel like you are playing second place to her, instead of making his ex his ex, he tells you that she was a part of his life before you came into it and he is not about to stop talking to her because of you.
He is emotionally abusive:
He finds excuses for hurting you instead of apologizing and trying to change the situation each time he does or says something hurtful. In fact, he seems to get great pleasure in calling you all sorts of derogatory names and trampling on your self-esteem. He never compliments you but is quick to point out all your shortcomings.
He does not love you if he puts his ex’s needs above yours
* He does not respect you:
With love comes a feeling of deep admiration for your abilities, your qualities, and your achievements. He will show respect in the way he talks to you, the way he treats you, and the way he encourages you to succeed in your dreams. So if there is no respect for who you really are, there is no love.
* He does not trust you:
If he loves you he will trust in your intelligence, he will trust that what you do is the best thing for you and for the relationship. Therefore, he is not just trusting you to do what he wants you to do — but whatever you do he will trust that you did it because it is best for you.
* He has no desire to spend time with you:
You literally have to keep begging him to spend time with you and when he does it is for short periods because he always has something ‘more important’ to do. If he loves you he would want to spend time with you without you having to beg! If he does not want to spend time with you either alone or on dates, then this could be a sign that he does not love you. Again, if he is in love with you he will always desire to be in your company.
* There is no intimacy:
If there is no intimacy or no desire to be intimate then this may be a sign that he is not in love. A man in love will want to be intimate and simply cannot help himself! However, a lack of interest in intimacy could be due to other issues affecting the relationship like destroyed trust, or health issues. However, if this is the case you will still feel a strong connection with each other. If there is no intimacy and no connection then there is no love.