While COVID-19 has many stories — the good, the bad, the not so bad and the very bad, some wives are rejoicing as their partners being forced to stay home as driven a wedge between him and his ‘side chick’ — even if the wife has no idea she ever existed but is seeing a new and improved him.
Randy says he had been involved with another woman for almost seven months prior to COVID. He felt he was so in love with her, and though he had no intention of leaving his wife of 13 years, he was not that much ‘into his wife’. They more or less had separate lives.
“Things at home was just ordinary, I wouldn’t say we were having any problems really but there comes a time when you just want to experience other things,” the 38-year-old said. “I got involved with this girl at work – I don’t know how it happened – I just know it happened. We started hanging out after work and on weekends and we got really intimate. I was really enjoying her. On weekends I would tell my wife I was going to hang out with the boys from work, or that I needed to put in some overtime at work and just spend some quality time with this girl.”
Randy said he could hardly go a day without seeing her and even though he couldn’t do so on Sundays he just could not wait for the day to be over to be at work the next day so he could be around her.
In the first week of April, his company got shut down as two persons were tested positive for the COVID virus. He was forced to go into isolation and had to practice social distancing. He said he wouldn’t have minded having the virus himself if he was able to stay at his sweethearts home — anything as long as he was with her.
However, much to his surprise, after the first week in isolation with his wife he began to connect with her and felt as if he was falling in love with her all over again.
“I realized I had married a really wonderful woman,” he said with a hint of joy in his voice. “She was very attentive, she was a real good listener, she made sure I was comfortable in every way and I discovered there were some stuff she was willing to do in bed that I never thought she would have. By the 3rd week it was as if I had no interest in anyone else and I knew this other woman had to go. To be honest if it wasn’t for this isolation thing I never would be at the place I am at now with my wife. I really value her more and realize that no on else can be compared to her. She definitely deserves more than I was giving her.”
He said he has not opened up to his wife about the other woman because he didn’t want her to be hurt and loose trust in him for something he knew he was giving up anyway.
Experts say:
Christopher Lai, blogger and author of the e-book The Lai Detector, which provides men with a better understanding on how to approach women, said there are certain things that should be understood in a relationship if it ought to be a success for both parties involved.
“There are certain things that should be understood and respected in a relationship,” said Lai, who also received a special award for Best Writing on a Blog at the Caribbean Blog Awards some time ago. “There should be no outside liaisons. This is a definite no. You want to know that your partner commits to you and that you do the same.”
Many mishaps or cheating in a relationship can be avoided if both parties follow some tested and proven rules:
Communicate: This can be considered the most important part of any relationship — keeping honest and open communication. As seen in Randy’s experience, he had stopped communicating with his wife, thus he lost his connection to her. The moment he was forced to spend time communicating and getting to know her all over again, he found that his marriage improved almost immediately. Unfortunately, a number of times one party may want to open the line of communication while the other does not. This will be ineffective and will only result in heated arguments or non-nonchalance. If you have a communication barrier it is best to seek the help of an unbiased mutual friend or counsellor. The more you communicate and spend time listening to each other the more your relationship will improve. Guaranteed!
Spend time together: spending time together will improve your relationship while keeping a bond between you. As in Randy’s situation, he started falling in love with his wife all over again after spending quality time with her — forcefully or not. While on the flip side spending time away from his side chick found him drifting away and losing interest in her. The key here is to obviously make an effort to spend time with your partner no matter how tempting it may be to spend time with someone else. Fact: the person you spend more time with is the person you will want to spend more time with!
Be completely honest: Be open and honest with each other. While Randy was not open and honest with his wife about his outside affair even after they grew closer, should she discover this on her own she would be much more devastated than if he had been honest with her. Him choosing to tell her would have been the first step in her regaining some amount of trust in him. She finding out on her own would open a whole new can of worms filled with question after question and mounting lack of trust.